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Band 7

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. What extent do you agree.

#government #responsibility #citizens #safety #people #defense
Some people believe that authority has to ensure public safety by increasing funds and spending on the military, at the expense of social welfare. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
 idea, the welfare of society comes in the first place of government duty, unless there is a direct threat to the nation's security. In
this
 essay, I will discuss my point of view in detail. It is a mission for every government to ensure the welfare of their citizens, by giving social support to people in need, and it will help to decrease crime and antisocial behaviour in the community.
For example
, In Saudi Arabia, there is monthly support for poor families and unemployed youth.
As a result
 crime rate in KSA is low, which makes it a safe country for it is population.
On the other hand
, social benefits prevent nations from falling into social and political unrest that may end with civil war. which happened many times throughout history when governors cared less about the well-being of their individuals and focused all their energy and resources on wars with
neighbour
Replace the word
neighbouring
show examples
 countries.
For example
, the Russian Revolution rose because the majority of the population fell into poverty and hunger without having a helping hand from their ruler.
Therefore
 helping people in time of need is important to have social and political stability. In conclusion, I believe social benefits have a direct link to lowering the crime rate and keeping the country away from political and social unrest, which leads to making the country safe. And it is not less important than defending the land from an outside enemy.
Submitted by neamaabdo90 on

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coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas more smoothly. This can enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop your examples further to strengthen your arguments. While you provided good examples, elaborating on these with more detail could make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure a balanced treatment of the prompt. While you clearly stated your disagreement with the statement, discussing the opposing viewpoint in more depth could provide a more rounded response.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to paragraphing. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, adequately developed with examples and explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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