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Band 3.5

Are modern gadgets beneficial or harmful for the generation`s development?

#gadgets #generation`s #development
There are a bunch of debates
between
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about
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pros
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the pros
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 and cons of high-tech
gadgets
such
 as cell phones and tablets for
upcoming
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the upcoming
an upcoming
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 generation. As the artificial intelligence
enhancing
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enhances
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 every single day the vast majority of parents are concerned about their toddlers,
while
 others encourage the usage of
gadgets
in
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at
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 a young age. The way I see that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern technologies should be banned from toddlers at least
they
Rephrase
when they
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 are in elementary school. In educational terms, the most common issue
among
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in
show examples
 the classrooms is
obsession
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an obsession
the obsession
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 of a student
by
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with
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 their phones. Recent scientific research indicates that nearly one-third of students fail to pay attention to study material during lectures. It could
be
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have been
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 easily prevented, if parents
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 banned the
gadgets
 in
their
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the
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 past.
The
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Last
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last
 but not least, less time spent opposite to the computer could prevent the decline in
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the eye-sight
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eye-sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
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 of
the
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apply
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most
of
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apply
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people nowadays. Whether in workplaces or classrooms, a significant number of individuals wear glasses
due to
 poor eyesight. The long time wasted
among
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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gadgets
have
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has
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 a huge impact
to
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on
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 our health not only affects
eyesight
Correct pronoun usage
our eyesight
show examples
 but can
also
 lead to back pains and other health issues. In conclusion, considering both the advantages and disadvantages of
gadgets
, I believe that reducing screen time can improve our
overall
 well-being.
Submitted by libranefertiti93 on

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task achievement
To enhance the clarity and comprehensive elaboration of your ideas, consider providing more concrete examples and data to support your arguments. Additionally, thoroughly exploring both sides of the argument could add depth to your discussion and demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. You could achieve this by using more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, clearly stated in the topic sentence, and is fully developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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