The willingness to take risks is the only way one can succeed in life, both personally and professionally. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
time and age it is will
known that the way to glory and Correct your spelling
well
succese
is not covered with roses, and Correct your spelling
success
it
need to take risks to reach your dream in Correct pronoun usage
you
this
world. I do agree that we as individuals need to make
calculated Correct your spelling
take
risk
to get what we want out of life, but keep in mind that there Fix the agreement mistake
risks
are
a chance Change the verb form
is
in
failing even if we try hard.
Change preposition
of
Fourtune
Correct your spelling
Fortune
favor
the braveChange the spelling
favour
,
is what Remove the comma
apply
had
been said for centuries, succese is Wrong verb form
has
mix
of hard work and the courage to take Add an article
a mix
Add an article
the risk
a risk
risk
, Fix the agreement mistake
risks
while
others are hesitate
to make the first move. Change the verb form
hesitate
For example
, the founder of Add an article
the soft
soft bank
was one of Correct your spelling
Soft Bank
few
Correct article usage
the few
investers
who Correct your spelling
investors
invest
in tech Wrong verb form
invested
start up
in Correct your spelling
start-ups
it
early Change the pronoun
its
stage
. As Fix the agreement mistake
stages
Correct article usage
a result
result
he become Add a comma
result,
billioner
before the age of Correct article usage
a billioner
50s
.
Correct your spelling
50
On the other hand
, by
being Change preposition
apply
risk
taker will help the person to build personality Correct article usage
a risk
quailty
that are Correct your spelling
quality
neccesary
for success. Correct your spelling
necessary
For instance
, many young CEO who have successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
successfully
start
Fix the agreement mistake
starts
up
are Change preposition
apply
risk
taker
, many of them drop out of university, to start Fix the agreement mistake
takers
there
own Correct your spelling
their
comany
which by the way are new and Correct your spelling
company
high
Add a hyphen
high-risk
risk
industry. in
addition
they had Add a comma
addition,
develop
Change the verb form
developed
set
of character to survive the challenges they Add an article
a set
face
in Wrong verb form
faced
this
environment, they learn
to build Wrong verb form
learned
self confident
that Correct your spelling
self-confidence
help
them to lead Wrong verb form
helped
there
team, strong stamina in difficult times, and make quick Correct your spelling
their
decision
. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
Therefore
taking risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
grow
strong Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
mentailty
and character which leads Correct your spelling
mentality
mentally
at the end
to success.
In conclusion, the will to take risk
help to Fix the agreement mistake
risks
building
character and Change the verb form
build
mentailty
Correct your spelling
mentality
that
is essential for Correct pronoun usage
which
successe
.
I do encourage anyone who Correct your spelling
success
have
goals and dreams, and Change the verb form
has
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
Fix the infinitive
to comes
comes
true to Wrong verb form
come
get
adapt to Verb problem
apply
this
essential skill.Submitted by neamaabdo90 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing your essay's structure by clearly dividing it into paragraphs, each representing a unique idea or point of your argument. This will significantly improve readability and the overall logical flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors; they can distract from your argument's clarity and impact. Examples include 'succese' (success), 'will known' (well known), 'investers' (investors), 'billioner' (billionaire), 'quailty' (quality), 'neccesary' (necessary), 'there' (their), 'mentailty' (mentality). Proofreading more carefully can enhance your essay's professionalism.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure your argument critically evaluates both sides of the argument more deeply. While you do provide examples to support your viewpoint, elaborating further on contrasting viewpoints and then refuting them or explaining why taking risks is superior would offer a more nuanced perspective.
task achievement
Consider including a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your points more effectively. Using varied and precise language can help to express your ideas more clearly and make your essay more engaging for the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.