IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it

#homelessness #cities #world #measures
The
big
Correct word choice
apply
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number of
people
 who do not have accommodation is rising in many megapolices worldwide.
This
 essay will discuss about causes including joblessness and
scam
Fix the agreement mistake
scams
show examples
 with property.
This
 essay will
also
 suggest solutions to
this
 problem
such
 as creating workplaces and
education
Replace the word
educating
show examples
people
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more carefully.          In big cities
people
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from homelessness because they do not have a job. Overpopulation
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not enough workplaces for everyone and anyone has a risk
to stay
Change preposition
of staying
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 without
work
 or
do
Verb problem
apply
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not
find
Wrong verb form
finding
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its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.
In addition
, one of the
reason
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reasons
show examples
 is
scam
Fix the agreement mistake
scams
show examples
. Nowadays,  there are many deceivers, who pretend specialists from different kinds of
organisations
 which are connected with
properties charity
Fix the agreement mistake
property charities
show examples
. They make "special
offer
Fix the agreement mistake
offers
show examples
" in most cases for elders and they lose their homes.
For example
, in Russia,
according to
 statistics
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
 to police on
scam
Fix the agreement mistake
scams
show examples
 with property
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 increased.       A possible solution to
this
 issue is creating more accessible
work
 for citizens.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 can create
organisations
 whose goal will help
people
 find an occupation or give them paid local
work
,
such
 as cleaning
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 or simple building
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Also
,
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
organisations
 provide short courses in which professionals will teach humans without
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
basic
Change preposition
of basic
show examples
 knowledge of different professions. Another possible solution is educating humans
how
Change preposition
on how
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avoid
Add the particle
to avoid
show examples
scam
Fix the agreement mistake
scams
show examples
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 can make short videos
how
Change preposition
on how
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 right use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 and how
see
Add the particle
to see
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
differents
Correct your spelling
difference
show examples
 between deceivers and honest
people
, and
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
these videos can be shown
while
Change preposition
in
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
.
For instance
, in
Uzbekistan
Add a comma
Uzbekistan,
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 there is
organisation
Add an article
an organisation
the organisation
show examples
, which help student which
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 students, who are not going to go
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 university, find
work
.       In conclusion, in big cities unemployment and deceiving cause homelessness.
However
, it can be simply
solven
Correct your spelling
solved
 by creating special
organisations
 for helping find a job and making educated
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
do
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 not be deceived.
Submitted by vikashin24022007 on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly introduce your essay topic and your stance in the introduction. A stronger thesis statement would enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using phrases such as 'Firstly', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' can help with the flow of information.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. Statistics, research findings, or specific instances can strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Be attentive to grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Try to avoid repeating the same words and phrases. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can make your essay more engaging and easier to read.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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