The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups. 

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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A glance at the pie charts provided the percentages of what makes two different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
of people happy.The
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
are individuals who are under 30 years old and over 30 years old.
Overall
Linking Words
,the vast majority of people feel happy because of achievement at work no matter what
age
Use synonyms
they are, whilst the fewest of them are happy
due to
Linking Words
other factors in the two
groups
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.
According to
Linking Words
the information shown in the charts, achievement at work brings about happiness for 21% of youngsters under 30 and 32% of people over 30.
Moreover
Linking Words
, doing hobbies contributes to 24% of those who are over 30 feeling happy and 22% of those younger ones having the same feeling. What should be particularly mentioned is that there are some different factors that lead to pleasant emotions in the two
age
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groups
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such
Linking Words
as having a good appearance and travelling for young ones who are over 30 and financial security and being with family for older ones. 18% of the youngsters are cheerful with good appearances and 15% of them are pleasant to travel.
By contrast
Linking Words
, one-fifth of those who are over 30 are satisfied with financial security and 14% of them feel happy to be with family members.
Submitted by s99104032 on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrates
  • contributing factors
  • distinct age groups
  • primary sources
  • comprising
  • leading contributors
  • predominant
  • accounting for
  • underscores contrasts
  • prioritize
  • universal aspects of well-being
  • engaging in enjoyable activities
  • source of joy
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