The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#show #people #two #age #groups #information #features #comparisons

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A glance at the pie charts provided the percentages of what makes two different

age

Use synonyms

groups

Use synonyms

of people happy.The

age

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groups

Use synonyms

are individuals who are under 30 years old and over 30 years old.

Overall

Linking Words

,the vast majority of people feel happy because of achievement at work no matter what

age

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they are, whilst the fewest of them are happy

due to

Linking Words

other factors in the two

groups

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According to

Linking Words

the information shown in the charts, achievement at work brings about happiness for 21% of youngsters under 30 and 32% of people over 30.

Moreover

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, doing hobbies contributes to 24% of those who are over 30 feeling happy and 22% of those younger ones having the same feeling. What should be particularly mentioned is that there are some different factors that lead to pleasant emotions in the two

age

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groups

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such

Linking Words

as having a good appearance and travelling for young ones who are over 30 and financial security and being with family for older ones. 18% of the youngsters are cheerful with good appearances and 15% of them are pleasant to travel.

By contrast

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, one-fifth of those who are over 30 are satisfied with financial security and 14% of them feel happy to be with family members.

Submitted by s99104032 on Sat Mar 23 2024

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

205 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

illustrates
contributing factors
distinct age groups
primary sources
comprising
leading contributors
predominant
accounting for
underscores contrasts
prioritize
universal aspects of well-being
engaging in enjoyable activities
source of joy

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The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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