The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#show #people #two #age #groups #information #features #comparisons

A glance at the pie charts provided the percentages of what makes two different

age

groups

of people happy.The

age

groups

are individuals who are under 30 years old and over 30 years old.

Overall

,the vast majority of people feel happy because of achievement at work no matter what

age

they are, whilst the fewest of them are happy

due to

other factors in the two

groups

According to

the information shown in the charts, achievement at work brings about happiness for 21% of youngsters under 30 and 32% of people over 30.

Moreover

, doing hobbies contributes to 24% of those who are over 30 feeling happy and 22% of those younger ones having the same feeling. What should be particularly mentioned is that there are some different factors that lead to pleasant emotions in the two

age

groups

such

as having a good appearance and travelling for young ones who are over 30 and financial security and being with family for older ones. 18% of the youngsters are cheerful with good appearances and 15% of them are pleasant to travel.

By contrast

, one-fifth of those who are over 30 are satisfied with financial security and 14% of them feel happy to be with family members.

Submitted by s99104032 on Sat Mar 23 2024

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

205 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

illustrates
contributing factors
distinct age groups
primary sources
comprising
leading contributors
predominant
accounting for
underscores contrasts
prioritize
universal aspects of well-being
engaging in enjoyable activities
source of joy

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The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It will be better for both society and individuals is driverless cars - cars can drive themselves- become more widely used. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is more important for a building to serve purpose than look beautiful , architectures should not worry about producing building as a work of art. Do you agree or disagree?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that overeating is harmful and advertising for some food products should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, there is shortage of housing due to growing population. Some people argue that new towns should be built in the country side, others argue for the regeneration of cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of building new towns in the country?