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Writing Samples
Band 7

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, many young
people
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 are under the pressure of academic study to succeed. Some
people
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 argue that non-academic
subjects
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such
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 as P.E. or cookery are not necessary and should be abolished from the school syllabus to allow
children
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 to concentrate on their studies.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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 opinion. In
this
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 essay, I will explain
for
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apply
show examples
the benefits of learning non-academics and give my opinion.
Firstly
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,
children
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 can learn society rules and communication skills from non-academic
subjects
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.
For example
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, when they do some sports in P.E. class, they need to follow many rules. And they will
also
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 understand that teamwork is essential to win games. Obey the rules and communication will be important in most workplaces which they will belong to when they grow up, so
children
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 should learn them by doing sports naturally.
In addition
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, some non-academic
subjects
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 can provide knowledge of human health.
For instance
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,
children
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 can learn about healthy ingredients and their nutrition in a cookery class. Even if a lot of adults today don't know about it, and
then
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,
people
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 are suffering illnesses which are caused by their unhealthy foods.
Thus
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, I believe that learning about food and understanding their health and health problems from when they are still young age is necessary for
children
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. In conclusion, some
people
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 say that
subjects
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 which are unrelated to academic work should be removed but I believe they are important to
live
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living
show examples
 our society when
children
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 become adults. If
people
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 consider seriously about future of
children
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, they notice the importance.

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Introduction & Thesis Statement
Begin by carefully analyzing the essay prompt and ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the question. While your introduction sets the stage for your argument, explicitly stating your thesis can strengthen your position.
Sentence Structure
Diversify the structures of your sentences to enhance readability and engage your audience. Utilizing a mix of complex, compound, and simple sentences can demonstrate linguistic versatility.
Supporting Evidence
To enhance your argument, support your main points with a wider variety of examples, data, or authoritative opinions. This evidential depth strengthens your argument's persuasiveness and credibility.
Linking & Cohesion
Ensure coherence by using linking words and phrases effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs, aiding the reader’s understanding and improving the flow of your essay.
Conclusion
End your essay with a conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position, ensuring it is clear and definitive. This reaffirms your argument to the reader and concludes your thoughts cohesively.
Balanced Development
Balance the development of your points throughout your essay to ensure each is equally explored and explained. Avoid placing excessive emphasis on one aspect at the expense of others.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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