There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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These days, many young

people

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are under the pressure of academic study to succeed. Some

people

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argue that non-academic

subjects

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such

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as P.E. or cookery are not necessary and should be abolished from the school syllabus to allow

children

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to concentrate on their studies.

However

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, I disagree with

this

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opinion. In

this

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essay, I will explain

for

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apply

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the benefits of learning non-academics and give my opinion.

Firstly

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children

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can learn society rules and communication skills from non-academic

subjects

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For example

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, when they do some sports in P.E. class, they need to follow many rules. And they will

also

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understand that teamwork is essential to win games. Obey the rules and communication will be important in most workplaces which they will belong to when they grow up, so

children

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should learn them by doing sports naturally.

In addition

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, some non-academic

subjects

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can provide knowledge of human health.

For instance

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children

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can learn about healthy ingredients and their nutrition in a cookery class. Even if a lot of adults today don't know about it, and

then

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people

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are suffering illnesses which are caused by their unhealthy foods.

Thus

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, I believe that learning about food and understanding their health and health problems from when they are still young age is necessary for

children

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. In conclusion, some

people

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say that

subjects

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which are unrelated to academic work should be removed but I believe they are important to

live

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living

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our society when

children

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become adults. If

people

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consider seriously about future of

children

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, they notice the importance.

Submitted by mayu1022.p on Sat Mar 23 2024

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Introduction & Thesis Statement

Begin by carefully analyzing the essay prompt and ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the question. While your introduction sets the stage for your argument, explicitly stating your thesis can strengthen your position.

Sentence Structure

Diversify the structures of your sentences to enhance readability and engage your audience. Utilizing a mix of complex, compound, and simple sentences can demonstrate linguistic versatility.

Supporting Evidence

To enhance your argument, support your main points with a wider variety of examples, data, or authoritative opinions. This evidential depth strengthens your argument's persuasiveness and credibility.

Linking & Cohesion

Ensure coherence by using linking words and phrases effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs, aiding the reader’s understanding and improving the flow of your essay.

Conclusion

End your essay with a conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position, ensuring it is clear and definitive. This reaffirms your argument to the reader and concludes your thoughts cohesively.

Balanced Development

Balance the development of your points throughout your essay to ensure each is equally explored and explained. Avoid placing excessive emphasis on one aspect at the expense of others.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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The internet has become profoundly efficient and popular that people choose it as a platform to learn. Some believe that it would eventually replace the need for books. Do you agree or disagree?

In some societies, more and more people are deciding to live alone. Why do you think this is? Do the advantages of living alone outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion