More and more animal species are being extinct because of human activites on land and seas. Why is this happening? What are solutions for this problem?

#species #activites #land #seas

Due to

human activities, a great number of land and marine

animals

face

extinction

and

this

problem is worsening these days. There are some reasons why

this

phenomenon is occurring, and there are

also

some ways to tackle

this

issue.

To begin

with, there are some factors which result in animal

extinction

. First and foremost, destroyed habitats of

animals

can be a reason. In order to develop and prosper, it is inevitable for countries to carry out deforestation and water pollution. These processes can eventually harm and destroy the habitats of wildlife.

In addition

, there are still many hunters who kill or hunt animal species. As they illegally kill or harm

animals

for

sales

Fix the agreement mistake

sale

show examples

, the number of

animals

decreases and results in

extinction

Add an article

the extinction

show examples

of them.

Furthermore

, the increased amount of discarded chemicals

into

Change preposition

show examples

water and soil may cause animal

extinction

However

, some solutions can be introduced to alleviate the issue. First of all, reforestation must be implemented. It is important to provide natural habitats for

animals

. People should plant more trees to form more forests for

animals

Secondly

, governments and authorities must create animal reserves to protect endangered

animals

. By having these facilities,

animals

can reproduce

Correct word choice

and be

show examples

protected in safe places.

Lastly

, strict regulations must be imposed for illegal hunting. Illegal hunters should identify

harmful

Correct article usage

the harmful

show examples

effects of their actions and should be punished heavily in order not to continue their wrong behaviour. In conclusion,

although

there are more

animals

which are

being

Verb problem

becoming

show examples

extinct, I firmly believe that there are some ways to protect them.

Thus

, both individuals and governments should be aware of

this

problem and make some efforts to improve the current situation.

Submitted by dmdql2708 on Thu Apr 04 2024

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task achievement

Try to include more detailed examples to support your main points. This can help make your arguments stronger and more convincing.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is structured logically, connect your ideas more seamlessly by using a variety of linking words and phrases that show cause, effect, addition, comparison, and contrast.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed, effectively outlining the issue and providing a clear stance.

task achievement

You have addressed the task question comprehensively, covering both causes and solutions for the issue at hand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More and more animal species are being extinct because of human activites on land and seas. Why is this happening? What are solutions for this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The crime rates now-a-days is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that children should learn how to compete, but other think that children should be taught to cooperatevto become more useful adults. Express some reasons for both views and give your opinion.

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.