More and more animal species are being extinct because of human activites on land and seas. Why is this happening? What are solutions for this problem?

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Due to
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human activities, a great number of land and marine
animals
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face
extinction
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and
this
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problem is worsening these days. There are some reasons why
this
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phenomenon is occurring, and there are
also
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some ways to tackle
this
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issue.
To begin
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with, there are some factors which result in animal
extinction
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. First and foremost, destroyed habitats of
animals
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can be a reason. In order to develop and prosper, it is inevitable for countries to carry out deforestation and water pollution. These processes can eventually harm and destroy the habitats of wildlife.
In addition
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, there are still many hunters who kill or hunt animal species. As they illegally kill or harm
animals
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for
sales
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sale
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, the number of
animals
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decreases and results in
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extinction
Add an article
the extinction
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of them.
Furthermore
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, the increased amount of discarded chemicals
into
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in
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water and soil may cause animal
extinction
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.
However
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, some solutions can be introduced to alleviate the issue. First of all, reforestation must be implemented. It is important to provide natural habitats for
animals
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. People should plant more trees to form more forests for
animals
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.
Secondly
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, governments and authorities must create animal reserves to protect endangered
animals
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. By having these facilities,
animals
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can reproduce
be
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and be
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protected in safe places.
Lastly
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, strict regulations must be imposed for illegal hunting. Illegal hunters should identify
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
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effects of their actions and should be punished heavily in order not to continue their wrong behaviour. In conclusion,
although
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there are more
animals
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which are
being
Verb problem
becoming
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extinct, I firmly believe that there are some ways to protect them.
Thus
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, both individuals and governments should be aware of
this
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problem and make some efforts to improve the current situation.

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task achievement
Try to include more detailed examples to support your main points. This can help make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is structured logically, connect your ideas more seamlessly by using a variety of linking words and phrases that show cause, effect, addition, comparison, and contrast.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed, effectively outlining the issue and providing a clear stance.
task achievement
You have addressed the task question comprehensively, covering both causes and solutions for the issue at hand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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