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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some poeple claim that it is unfair to have same age limit in every work.Do you agree or disagree?

#poeple #age #limit #work
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In workplaces,there is a certain
age
 restriction and when
people
 reach that
age
,they get a pension and leave their
jobs
.Some
people
 assert that each work should be given an
age
 limit in order to its difficulty level totally agree with
this
 statement. First and Foremost,
jobs
 deviate from each other because of their physical requirement.
For example
,there are some occupations
such
 as construction or engineering that demand physical power.After a certain
age
,employees lose their ability to do their job effectively in these occupations.İn
this
 case,
age
 limitation in these
jobs
 should be low compared to the others.
Furthermore
,we can see many
jobs
 in our lives based on a sedentary lifestyle.Regardless of their
age
 ,employees can perform in a better way.
For instance
,in office work,
people
 have an aptitude for doing their
jobs
 at every
age
.
However
,when they reach the
age
 restriction,they are obliged to leave,ultimately leading to a loss of skills in workplaces.
On the other hand
,it is thought by some
people
 that it is unfair to put different
age
 limits for every job.Some of the employees work in a shirt term than others and it results in discrimination.İ partially agree with
this
 perspective.
However
,it is necessary to acknowledge that to prevent the loss of talent problem ,Governments should levy restrictions on occupations based on their physical demand. Taking into everything account,
Although
 some assert that having the same retirement
age
 plays a crucial role in thwarting unfairness,İ consider that as
jobs
 require different levels of physical power,the state officials should impose different regulations for every job.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is supported by specific examples or explanations. While the essay addresses the topic, enhancing the specificity of examples will strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. The essay is generally well-organized, but some points could be more clearly connected to support the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider a wider range of linking phrases and paragraph structures to improve the fluency of your writing and make the logical connections between ideas even clearer.
language accuracy
Review the use of articles, prepositions, and punctuation to improve grammatical accuracy and enhance clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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