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Band 4

When you learn a foreign language, all four skills（listening, reading, speaking and writing) are equally important. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#language #four #disagree？
Nowadays, there are a
lot
 of
people
 who think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to educate criminals
while
 they are still in prison. On the one hand, criminals can find a job after their terms in prison. It helps to fit into society and prevent crimes.
Moreover
, the time prisoners spend studying teaches them how to work in a team,
this
 way they easily can find friends.
Furthermore
,
this
 innovation averts
violation
Fix the agreement mistake
violations
show examples
 that could happen if it
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 free time.
On the other hand
, It is unprofitable for
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
, because there are a
lot
 of
people
 who don’t want to study and the only cause of their wish to do it is
absence
Add an article
the absence
an absence
show examples
 of hard work that they could get in the lack of
studying
Change the form of the verb
study
show examples
 hours.
In addition
, there are a
lot
 of prisoners who are incorrigible criminals. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is no reason to teach
this
 kind of person, education is not suitable for
people
 who have caused serious
body
Replace the word
bodily
show examples
 harm or sold drugs.
To conclude
, I want to say that prisons should make tests which thoroughly give a description of
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
show examples
 and
in a base
Correct your spelling
on basis
show examples
 of these tests invite
people
 to study. Maybe it costs a
lot
, but it is not
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of money on education for
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who killed someone. If we want to make
this
 world better the price is not matter to us.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a structured argument, but there are areas where clarity and cohesion could be improved. Consider using clearer transition phrases to make the progression of ideas smoother.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are supported, strive to provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and impactful.
task achievement
You addressed the task and provided arguments for both views, yet your response could be more effective with a more balanced discussion of both sides. Reflect deeper on the prompt's question for a more comprehensive coverage.
task achievement
Review your essay for potential grammatical errors and aim for more varied sentence structures to enhance readability. Additionally, ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your points and reflects your stance effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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