IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There are those
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
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 that shopping nowadays is more convenient
due to
Linking Words
 more advanced
technology
Use synonyms
,
while
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 there are some not agreeing arguments for several reasons. Nowadays, advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 plays an important role model for
people
Use synonyms
 in daily life.
First,
Linking Words
online purchasing can be beneficial for various reasons. It effectively brings convenience and fast-track the service to the customers, resulting in up-to-date trends.
Due to
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 increasing numbers of buyers possibly spend time on their mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 approximately 6 to 8 hours. A very good example is the Amazon Application, the app has been improved significantly under technological innovation whether advertisements or promotions.
Moreover
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,
people
Use synonyms
's behaviour will decrease to the easy process without going to the front store or picking up the items or products purchased as effectively as possible.
In addition
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, some claim that a variety of technologies could not only make easier shopping but
also
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 take benefits in potential solutions.
For example
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, an electrical appliances in our house.
As a result
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, the
facilities
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facility's
facilities'
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 tools are
daptive
Correct your spelling
adaptive
adapting
 to having innovative involvement properly. These advantages effectively include
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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intelligent items
such
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 as mobile phones, microwaves and laundry machines.
Therefore
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, these home appliances will enable
people
Use synonyms
 to have
a
Remove the article
apply
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convenience in housework.
On the contrary
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, it affects human labour, as an automatization, it will replace the workers. It provides various
services
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service
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 options and
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
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 quality. In summary,
adapting
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adopting
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 new
technology
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 built the convenience and advancement of shopping, it contributes to other factors.
However
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, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that individuals and authorities should not stop developing and integrating
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 between
technology
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 and modernization, as it will bring more easier outcomes to the
people
Use synonyms
.

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Task Response
To enhance task response, make sure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Although your essay discusses technology's role in shopping and mentions some opposing views, greater emphasis on elaborating both views distinctly and a clearer, more in-depth statement of your own opinion could strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on presenting your ideas in a more organized manner. While your essay progresses from one idea to another, clearer paragraphing that separates contrasting views and better transitions could enhance readability. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences are directly related to that main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, revisiting the structure of introduction and conclusion to more clearly state the essay's topic and summarize the discussion can help make your argument more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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