The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#precentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend

In the

last

ten years, the proportion of

children

with excessive weight has become one of the most concerning issues in Western society and increased by about 20%. The reason behind

this

problem is unhealthy food and a sedentary lifestyle.

As a result

, there are several side effects of being overweight,

such

as physical and mental health problems. There are certain reasons why populations of the western countries, especially low age groups, have gained a great number of weights for the

last

10 years. One main factor is cheap processed

meals

and junky food which

children

can easily afford to buy without preparing themselves.

Moreover

, these unhealthy

meals

mostly taste different than regular home

meals

, and they

also

have special advertisement methods to draw juveniles’ attention. The second point is the sedentary life of many

children

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

they are likely to spend most of their time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing online games or watching TV. They had had active lifestyles before these technological devices gained popularity among young individuals.

For instance

, most

children

often preferred to play outside with their friends in fresh air in the past. Overweight might adversely influence the society of Western countries in a number of ways. One of them is physical problems which are related to excessive kilograms gained by

children

. Mass fatness can make juveniles’ life more challenging because it leads to respiratory issues, difficulties in movement and heart diseases.

Secondly

children

can face bullying and discrimination at school because of their appearance.

Therefore

this

has a negative impact on their mental health and studies. In conclusion,

meals

with extra food chemicals and staying behind screen all day are the major causes underlying the issue which will result in health problems among young individuals.

Submitted by writingbhos on Sun Mar 24 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response

To improve in Task Response, focus on fully addressing all parts of the task. This includes providing a more diversified range of causes and effects, and ensuring that each is explored in depth with specific examples. Although you have provided a good overview, deepening your analysis would enhance your score.

Coherence & Cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion, work on enhancing the logical flow between your ideas more smoothly. Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Also, consider developing your paragraphs with a clearer topic sentence and more detailed supporting sentences that connect directly back to the main topic of the essay.

Development

To elevate your essay, incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. While you mention some causes and effects, providing concrete examples or statistical data would strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Proliferation
Sedentary lifestyle
Processed foods
Socioeconomic factors
Childhood obesity
Obesity-related conditions
Stigmatization
Fast food culture
Physical activity
Home-cooked meals
Healthcare system
Psychological problems
Diabetes
Heart disease

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
You have been invited to attend an interview for a place studying a course at a college. Unfortunately, because of a previous appointment, you cannot come at the time they wish. Write a letter to the admission tutor. In your letter, • explain your position • apologize and offer to come on another day or later the same day • also ask how long the interview will be, and whether there will be any tests during it
I have been accepted to join the Masters of Science programme in the winter semester at your college. I am supposed to meet you in an interview next Monday morning but i am afraid the timing contradicts another important meeting. I am hoping that you would allow me to meet you sometime later on that day or on a different day.
5.5
band
There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
It is argued lessons that not related to academic should be removed from the school curriculum. This essay disagree with that opinion because we can identify someone talents from non-academic subjects and and can advance the talents earlier.
4.5
band
It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. Discuss the benefits of this development and problems associated with it.
It is believed that taking a year off after graduating from high school could be a helpful step for many students. However, others are determined that is phenomenon holds on numerous drawbacks. Personally, I am convinced that the one year break is beneficial for several pupils.
7
band
Some people think the government has the responsibility to pay for health care and education while others don’t. Discuss and give opinions.
There are ongoing debates regarding the responsibility of the authorities. While some argue that the administration should pay for health services and education, some have the opposite thinking. In this essay, I will discuss both points of view and also present my perspective.
5.5
band
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.   Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is no doubt that economy plays a crucial role in developing a country. However, while lots of governments believe that advances should be geared exclusively towards economic, I would agree with those who argue that making progress in other aspects are just as vital for the nation.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. Discuss the benefits of this development and problems associated with it.

Some people think the government has the responsibility to pay for health care and education while others don’t. Discuss and give opinions.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.   Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.