IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people think that competitive sports have positive effects on teenager education, while others argue that effect is negative. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #sports #effects #teenager #education #effect
Two given diagrams illustrate
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
favourite
 takeaways and amount of
Indian
 restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015. On the first
chart
Add a comma
chart,
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 it can be noticed, that Canadians’ the most
favourite
 takeaway is Chinese food (34% of participants eat there) and the least
favourite
 are Mexican, Japanese and Greek in the list of specified types (only 1% of participants eat there for each type). The second diagram shows the increase of amount of
Indian
 restaurants from 1960 to 2007 up to approximately 9000 points and
fluctuates
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
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 near 9000 from 2007 to 2015,
got to
Verb problem
reaching
show examples
 8000 points in 2000.
Due to
 these two charts a conclusion may be made: Canadians’
favourite
 food is mostly Asian (
in particular
 Chinese and
Indian
); a great increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 demand
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indian
 food can be seen from 1960 to 2007 when
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of restaurants increased from about 200 to about 9000 (by 45 times).
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
The essay does not address the given topic about competitive sports and their impact on teenager education. It is crucial to ensure that you directly address the topic provided to meet the task achievement criteria fully.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines your discussion points. Conclude with a summary of your discussion and your overall standpoint to ensure a logical structure and the presence of an introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples or evidence related to the topic. This will help in developing supported main points, enhancing the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • teamwork
  • growth mindset
  • sense of responsibility
  • manage success and failure
  • undue pressure
  • emphasize
  • winning at all costs
  • cheating
  • aggression
  • physical and emotional burnout
  • integration
  • social cohesion
  • diverse group of peers
  • encouraging empathy
  • hyper-competitive
  • overshadows
  • joy and love for the game
  • healthy and enjoyable activity
  • stressful obligation
  • means to an end
  • promote a balanced approach
  • competition is healthy
  • sportsmanship
  • valued above victory
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