More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Today we are discussing a serious
problem
which creating an alarming situation in different developing countries. Being overweight in adults is quite normal but in children
is not common. Most of the developing countries face this
issue at a large scale as compared to developed countries. We can say that this
is a common problem
in the world.
There are many causes of spreading the problem
increasingly
And the world should take it seriously to overcome it before it’s too late.
I think the main cause of the problem
is junk and fast food. Most children
like this
type of readymade food item. Because of, easy availability and reaching in no time at the described venue.
In spite of all this
, I would say that even junk foods are a major factor but some other causes are also
here to play their role in increasing the problem
.
Firstly
, Children
are not interested in physical activities because of excessive
use of mobile phones and Correct article usage
the excessive
Internet
. Add an article
the Internet
Children
spend most of their era is
gaming and watching videos on the internet in their room Unnecessary verb
apply
while
sitting on the sofa or lying on their bed. This
makes them lazy and they don't want to go out and play with other children
on the playing ground
.
I think parents are Correct your spelling
playground
also
involved in the overweighting issue of their children
because , in my point of view, this
is the sole responsibility of the parents and they should spend time with them. Parents should encourage their children
to spend some time playing with friends rather than playing games on the computer. I conclude this
essay on this
note that our children
are our future and if we want to make our future secure, we should take the problem
seriously and prepare ourselves to resolve it.Submitted by computersinn2007 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a basic structure on the topic discussed, however, it lacks a clear and coherent structure which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by examples or explanations. Additionally, ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that outlines the topics you will discuss and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic, but your response could be improved by developing your ideas more fully and providing specific examples to support your arguments. In the introduction, clearly state your thesis or the main point of the essay. Each body paragraph should focus on one cause or effect, explain it in detail, and provide examples or evidence to support your point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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