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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say it is OK to use animals for our benefit, others say it is not good to expliot them. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #ok #animals #benefit #expliot
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In today's contemporary world,
animals
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 are used for some reasons in a profitable way. There is a belief by most individuals that exploitation of
animals
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 for benefit is a normal circumstance,
while
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 others, including myself, assert that it is not acceptable to use these
creatures
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 in order to the beneficial sides of them.
This
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 essay will discuss both ideas before reaching a conclusion. The foremost reason why some
people
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 and I are inclined to preserve
animals
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 and do not allow the exploitation of them is that all living
creatures
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 have their own
lives
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.
In other words
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, when humans intervene in the
animals
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'
lives
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, they lose their autonomy and become dependent on
people
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.
For instance
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, nowadays a lot of rats are exploited for different purposes.
Firstly
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, humans use them in experiments and sometimes it leads to the death of these
animals
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.
Furthermore
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, consequences pave the way for the inexistence of
animals
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 in the environment.
Due to
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 a lack of supervision,
people
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 continue these actions and by virtue of
this
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, a lot of
creatures
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 suffer from overexploitation.
Consequently
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, the negative results of overuse make life harder day by day for
animals
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. For some
people
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,
animals
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 should be used because of the benefit they give. To elaborate, in agriculture
animals
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 have a key role for
people
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.
Animals
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,
such
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 as goats, cows, and chickens are used for their different benefits and without them, life can be difficult for individuals. To prevent the usage of artificial food and products,
animals
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 are the most useful in
this
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 case.
Moreover
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, they are able to protect our
lives
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. If there is a dog in the yard, nobody can try to be involved in robbing.
Hence
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, the use of these
creatures
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 for individuals' benefit can have ramifications in the
lives
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 of
people
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.
To sum up
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,
although
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 some hold the view that it is not a good idea to exploit
animals
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 for our sake, other
people
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 strongly believe vice versa and adjust it as a common action.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction includes a thesis statement that clearly presents your main argument and the structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Utilize a wider variety of transitions and linking phrases to improve flow and clearly indicate relationships between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
When discussing different viewpoints, ensure each is explored with equal depth and supported by specific examples. It helps to maintain balance and offers a richer analysis for the reader.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, more specific examples could be provided to elucidate your points better. While you do provide examples, dive deeper into how these examples support your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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