IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while other think that tere are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #tere #factors #money #appearance
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Nowadays, there is an opinion that
life
Use synonyms
 will
be succeeded
Wrong verb form
succeed
show examples
Change preposition
through
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from
Change preposition
through
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 determination and
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
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.
While
Linking Words
 some might that appearance and might that appearance and
money
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 are more
importance
Replace the word
important
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.
This
Linking Words
 writer completely
agree
Correct subject-verb agreement
agrees
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 with the first idea has more benefits. On the one hand, if
people
Use synonyms
 work with unwavering attitudes
is
Correct your spelling
it
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created
Wrong verb form
creates
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 an enormous problem in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 them
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not want to do anything. Working by themselves with create a person that can do any challenges in
life
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. It can be seen that in Japan, a large number of adults
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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use their
parent’s
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parents’
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money
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 to live which
refer
Wrong verb form
is referred
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 to
“lazy
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as “lazy
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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”,
“the
Correct word choice
or “the
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 mistake of the environment”.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
money
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 will be an important part
to help
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of helping
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people
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 have more communication with other
people
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.
Moreover
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, appearance can bridge the gap between
people
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 and
people
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 because it is an
objects
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object
show examples
 that cannot be lost in our daily
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Having
money
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 can control
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
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 more easily, not only our own
life
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 but
also
Linking Words
 other
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Most of the businessmen know exactly the
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 can bring back on themselves, it can
also
Linking Words
 open more job opportunities for students. In conclusion, both
idea
Change to a plural noun
ideas
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 have it good face but to be
chose
Wrong verb form
chosen
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,
this
Linking Words
 writer will choose the hardworking and determination.
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coherence cohesion
Revise the introduction to clearly introduce both views and explicitly state your opinion for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences to begin each paragraph to better guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully by providing more detailed explanations and specific examples that clearly link back to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and spelling to improve the readability and professionalism of the essay.
task achievement
You made a clear attempt to address both views in the discussion, which is central to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion successfully reinforces your opinion and summarizes the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • multifaceted
  • determination
  • humble beginnings
  • long-term goals
  • influential networks
  • public image
  • societal standards
  • amplify opportunities
  • foundational
  • crucial
  • exemplifying
What to do next:
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