Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while other think that tere are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, there is an opinion that
life
will be succeeded
Wrong verb form
succeed
Change preposition
through
from
determination and Change preposition
through
hardworking
. Correct word choice
hard work
While
some might that appearance and might that appearance and money
are more importance
. Replace the word
important
This
writer completely agree
with the first idea has more benefits.
On the one hand, if Correct subject-verb agreement
agrees
people
work with unwavering attitudes is
Correct your spelling
it
created
an enormous problem in their Wrong verb form
creates
life
which Fix the agreement mistake
lives
make
them Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
do
not want to do anything. Working by themselves with create a person that can do any challenges in Unnecessary verb
apply
life
. It can be seen that in Japan, a large number of adults that
use their Correct pronoun usage
apply
parent’s
Change noun form
parents’
money
to live which refer
to Wrong verb form
is referred
“lazy
Change preposition
as “lazy
human
”, Fix the agreement mistake
humans
“the
mistake of the environment”.
Correct word choice
or “the
On the other hand
, money
will be an important part to help
Change preposition
of helping
people
have more communication with other people
. Moreover
, appearance can bridge the gap between people
and people
because it is an objects
that cannot be lost in our daily Change the noun form
object
life
. Having Fix the agreement mistake
lives
money
can control the
Correct article usage
apply
life
more easily, not only our own life
but also
other people
Change noun form
people's
life
. Most of the businessmen know exactly the Fix the agreement mistake
lives
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
of
Change preposition
apply
money
can bring back on themselves, it can also
open more job opportunities for students.
In conclusion, both idea
have it good face but to be Change to a plural noun
ideas
chose
, Wrong verb form
chosen
this
writer will choose the hardworking and determination.Submitted by [email protected] on
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coherence cohesion
Revise the introduction to clearly introduce both views and explicitly state your opinion for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences to begin each paragraph to better guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully by providing more detailed explanations and specific examples that clearly link back to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and spelling to improve the readability and professionalism of the essay.
task achievement
You made a clear attempt to address both views in the discussion, which is central to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion successfully reinforces your opinion and summarizes the main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.