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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that money makes a live comfortable others think that a large amount of money brings in more trouble. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #money #live #amount #trouble
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It is often argued whether
money
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 can make life easier and more convenient. Many
people
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 are convinced that having an immense
amount
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 of
money
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 may cause serious problems. Personally, I firmly assert that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks. In
this
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 essay, I am going to elucidate both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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. One of the main benefits of having a huge
amount
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 of
money
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 is that it ensures
people
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 obtain a high-quality education. Wealthy
people
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 have an opportunity to study at the most prestigious universities.
For instance
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, most of the individuals who graduated from universities
such
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 as Yale became successful in their careers.
Furthermore
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,affluent ones can provide good nutrition for themselves,so they consume expensive and high-quality food.
Thus
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,they can maintain healthy diets and keep their body strength.
Also
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,rich
people
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 have access to the best medical services and check up on the state of their health with qualified doctors.
Consequently
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,they decrease the risk of a variety of endangered diseases.
Moreover
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,wealthy individuals constantly travel around the world because their huge fortune allows them to travel often.
This
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 helps them to make their life not only comfortable but
also
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 happier which leads to stress reduction.
For example
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, scientists suggest visiting other countries and changing the scenery in order to reduce anxiety.
Nevertheless
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,having an enormous
amount
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 of
money
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 may cause serious problems.Some wealthy
people
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 lack financial management,so they can easily ruin their abundance.
For instance
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,renowned actor Macaulay Culkin because of his drug addiction, barely was deprived of his fortune.It is
also
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 accepted that
people
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 who have a lot of
money
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 have a tendency to be surrounded by fake friends.It affects their mental health stability
,
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apply
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and sometimes leads to psychological issues. In conclusion,possessing a huge
amount
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 of
money
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 has adverse effects on
people
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`s lifestyles.
Whereas
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 I strongly believe that the benefits outweigh the downsides.
However
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, It is recommended that
people
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 have to develop
money
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 management skills.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument more evenly. The essay could benefit from elaborating on the disadvantages of having a lot of money to ensure a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clear paragraph breaks and consistent spacing between sentences to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay offers a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
Well-explained advantages with relevant examples, such as the benefits of education and health resources for wealthy individuals.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support main points, like mentioning Yale graduates and Macaulay Culkin's financial issues.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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