All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults #reason #rise

From a generation

ago¸

Correct your spelling

ago

due to

many

reasons

such

as eating fast food and lifestyle society are becoming fat more and more and

this

causes that quality of life have become less. All around the world, nationalities have accomplished some action,

nonetheless

, they have encountered obesity.

This

problem

influences

individuals

Change preposition

show examples

any age. In

this

essay, we look at the

reasons

for

this

and propose some solutions and I extend my opinion. One of the main causes of the

problem

is that fatness can generate many illnesses,

for instance

, diabetes and hypertension

as well as

heart disease. Following these

reasons

individuals

have to pay for remedies

such

as a reference to a practitioner and buying pills, in

fact

people

don’t have a comfortable life because they should always take care of what they eat and drink.

For example

, in the UK over seventy per cent of

people

suffer from obesity. To tackle

this

issue,

firstly

individuals

must change their lifestyle, they should choose that either eat healthy food or eat junk food, in

fact

besides

exercising and

work-out

Correct your spelling

working

show examples

people

should be

healthy-eater

Correct your spelling

healthy-eaters

show examples

Secondly

, the government should implement some

scheme

Fix the agreement mistake

schemes

show examples

like communal sport in different places around the cities and encourage

people

to work out and even give them awards for doing exercise. Another

problem

is psychological illnesses which

are originated

Wrong verb form

originate

show examples

from fatness, because when a person who is fat goes outside and others look

him

Change preposition

at him

show examples

poorly and if he wants to buy clothes he should spend

lot

Change the article

a lot

show examples

of time finding suitable clothes that might be difficult and even they don’t make-friend easily because nobody wants to be a friend with anybody

that is

not fit,

finally

due to

these

reasons

that fat

people

might encounter it , it can make them alone and they fill the loneliness. The way forward could be

lose

Fix the infinitive

to lose

show examples

weight, they should comply diet and

this

is imperative that the government

must

Verb problem

apply

show examples

take care

Add the comma(s)

, fatness

show examples

fatness

Replace the word

of fat

show examples

individuals

, in

fact

, the accountable persons must not ignore persons who are obese. All in all, as can be seen from the points in

this

essay, it seems to me that the only way to tackle the obesity

problem

that

Correct word choice

for

show examples

both children and adults

should do

Verb problem

show examples

exercise and have a nice diet plan , in

fact

, there is no escape.

Submitted by hoseinyasemi.ir on Sun Mar 24 2024

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logical structure

Your essay structure needs improvement. Including clear, distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion helps organize thoughts better. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be linked to the others with suitable connectors.

introduction conclusion present

Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should summarize your arguments and restate your opinion.

supported main points

Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This makes your argument stronger and more persuasive.

complete response

Fully address all parts of the task. Discuss the reasons for obesity and propose specific solutions. Your response should be balanced, covering both aspects equally.

clear comprehensive ideas

Clarify your ideas and arguments. Use simple, direct language and make sure each paragraph contributes to your overall argument. Avoid general statements by being specific in your examples and explanations.

relevant specific examples

Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your point of view. These examples should be related to the topic and help illustrate your arguments more vividly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

383 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Memorising facts is the most important way to succeed in education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Some people says we should use free space in town and city for plantation a d some says that it should be used for construction. Do you agree or disagree?

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, ther people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+