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Writing Samples
Band 6

playing computer games only has negative effect on children. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#computer #games #effect #children
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Nowadays
children
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 everywhere play
computer
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games
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. Some people believe
this
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 can only cause damage to
youngsters
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 as they may develop an addiction or start to form antisocial habits. To a large extent, I agree with
this
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 statement;
however
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, with strict parental control, it may be possible to produce some positive effects too. Studies have shown that
computer
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games
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 are highly addictive.
Youngsters
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 crave them
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while
Correct word choice
but
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 they should be focused on other things like homework.
Furthermore
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, they often lose interest in healthy outdoor activities, use
games
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 to escape problems rather than deal with them, and become irritable when not playing.
This
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 can lead to depression or anxiety
Hence
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,
computer
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games
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 can create addiction in pre-adolescents, which could contribute to future mental illness problems in our societies. A second important problem is that of
youngsters
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 accessing violent
games
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 triggering aggression and violence in the
children
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 themselves. Recent studies in America have demonstrated that exposure to violent
games
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 produces feelings that
last
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 long after the game has finished. In
such
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games
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, the young players are rewarded for violent acts, which can dampen their sensitivity to the consequences of
such
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 behaviour in real life, and can lead to them becoming more aggressive and even committing crimes. The more violent
games
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children
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 take part in, the more likely they are to form antisocial habits.
Conversely
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,there are many valid arguments in favour of
children
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 playing
computer
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games
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 and with parents controlling the time spent playing and the types of
games
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 played, there could be benefits. One of the most convincing arguments is that
youngsters
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 can develop good problem-solving
skills
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.
For example
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, in the hugely popular game Angry Birds, the child has to actively find different ways to solve problems in a short time.
Furthermore
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, some
games
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 call for problem-solving in teams which helps foster good social
skills
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.
Hence
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,
children
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 can benefit by developing good problem-solving and good social
skills
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. In conclusion, if we allow our
children
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 free rein over their
computer
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 game playing, we are risking the development of addictive, antisocial and even violent human beings.
However
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, by regulating their playing, it may be possible that we can encourage them to develop useful
skills
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 which will benefit them as they approach adulthood.
Submitted by bawagurpreet090 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure paragraph transitions are seamless and explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. This can be achieved through the use of transitional phrases that not only signal the beginning of a new point but also create a link to the previous one, enhancing the logical flow.
task achievement
While your essay has a clear position, to improve task achievement, aim for a more nuanced discussion. Acknowledge counterarguments more thoroughly and provide a deeper analysis of both sides of the issue. This will enrich your essay and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
general
Varied sentence structures and vocabulary not only make your essay more interesting to read but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Try to use a wider range of grammatical structures and lexical choices. Avoid repetition of phrases and aim for precision in your language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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