IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweighs the disadvantages?

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Social
media
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 is becoming increasingly popular and it is used for various purposes.
This
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 writer argues that the benefits of connecting to other
people
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 and entertaining outweigh the disadvantages of
addiction
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. The main benefit social
media
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 brings to
users
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 is keeping in touch with other
people
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.
Users
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 can be able to text messages and make video calls whenever they have free time in other to connect and share stories with each other.
This
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 will reduce the chance of having depression and anxiety at work. Take Covid 19 as an example, during the breakdown,
people
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 cannot go out and meet other
people
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 face-to-face. Thanks to social platforms, they can connect to each other and reduce loneliness.
However
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, some
people
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 believe that
addiction
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 is the main drawback of social
media
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.
Users
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 spend hours in their rooms scrolling their phones, and reading new feeds without eating or sleeping.
This
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 may be true, but by doing sports and outdoor activities, they will be more active and easily stay out of social
media
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.
For instance
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, teenagers with Internet
addiction
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 are advised to do more physical activities,
this
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 method is effective and most teenagers take
this
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 activity as their new hobby. Another advantage of social
media
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 is it is a useful tool for entertainment. It provides
users
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 with various news, videos, movie recommendations and joining a group chat.
This
Linking Words
 will help
people
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 relax and relieve stress after a long day of working and studying.
For example
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, Facebook is a well-known social platform, it has many features and feeds to keep its
users
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 entertained. In conclusion, the benefits of entertainment and connecting with other
people
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 outweigh the drawbacks of
addiction
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. It helps
people
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 chat with their friends and reduce stress.

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you respond fully to the task question. Your essay should explore both sides of the argument thoroughly, clearly stating why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages with more distinct and varied examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical flow of ideas throughout the text. This involves structuring paragraphs effectively, using cohesive devices (e.g., however, moreover, for example) accurately and ensuring that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
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