IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Online shopping is now replacing shopping in the store. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In
this
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 modern era,
people
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 usually like to shop online as it saves everyone's time. Even though
people
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 shop online, they still buy some things from a physical
store
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 because there are many things which
people
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 prefer to try on before buying. I believe that online shopping is a positive development and
this
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 essay will provide examples and a conclusion to my opinion. Earlier,
people
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 used to shop for everything from the physical
store
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 and there were no technological advancements. In recent years, many
people
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 shifted their businesses or
stores
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 to online platforms like Amazon. There are many advantages of
this
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 as it saves
people
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's time, the seller gets recognized online, and they can
target
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 a wide range of
customers
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 through online shopping.
For example
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, there is a famous local seller thousands of miles away with a physical
store
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. They would only be able to
target
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 those
customers
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 who can visit their
store
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 but their online
store
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 can
target
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 more
people
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 and they can provide services to the
customers
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 living far away.
Furthermore
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,
This
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 positive development doesn't have any negative impact on physical
stores
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 as
people
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 strictly prefer to buy some products from physical
stores
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.
For example
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, would
people
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 prefer to buy vegetables online? Just like vegetables, there are many other products that
people
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 want to buy from physical
stores
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 rather than buying them online.
However
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, some
people
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 are
also
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 scared of online shopping scams so they prefer offline shopping.
Due to
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 these reasons, I believe that
stores
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 can never be replaced by online platforms. In conclusion, online shopping gives an extra platform to seller to expand their business and
target
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 wide or international
customers
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. On the other side, it
also
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 saves
people
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's valuable time and they can get their products
according to
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 their convenience.
Hence
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, I can say that it is a positive development.

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Task Response
Ensure you have a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the essay question. Your introduction touched on the positive aspects of online shopping but could more explicitly state your position.
Task Response
Expand on the examples provided by incorporating specific statistics or concrete instances where online shopping has benefited sellers and consumers. This will make your argument more compelling.
Task Response
While discussing the advantages of online shopping, also consider discussing potential drawbacks in more depth to provide a balanced view before concluding that online shopping is a positive development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This will improve readability and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve cohesion, try to refer back to your main thesis throughout the essay. This can be done by summarizing your main points in relation to your thesis in the conclusion.
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