Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is argued that the
celebrities
standing out for charity can attract people’s
awareness
,
on the contrary
, the opponent thinks that the
celebrities
can weaken the
issue
discussion. I believe that
celebrities
can raise public
awareness
of
this
important
issue
. On the one hand, people believe that
celebrities
cannot attract public
awareness
because of the following reasons.
Firstly
, the masses are usually more interested in entertainment news.
Along with
the popularity of short videos
such
as Instagram reels and TikTok, people expect to see more stimulus content on social media which can draw more attention, and gossip or personal affairs are the perfect resource.
Thus
, the important
issue
can be weakened
due to
the public being more interested in entertainment news.
Secondly
,
celebrities
only spark the
issue
but cannot continue the
awareness
.
Although
celebrities
can catch the masses' attention successfully,
while
once without
celebrities
, the
issue
cannot earn much more
awareness
or discussions which only sparks the problem but lacks the continualness of the
issue
.
On the other hand
, I believe that
celebrities
can raise public
awareness
due to
the following reasons. First of all,
celebrities
with positive images can raise
awareness
because they usually have more credibility
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the public.
Thus
, the public is much more willing to be concerned about the issues the
celebrities
stand for.
Additionally
,
celebrities
usually have the ability to call into action for their fans. As they worship their idol, the fans will put the same effort to the
issue
with which their idol is concerned.
As a result
,
celebrities
can call their fans to do the real actions. In conclusion, I believe that
celebrities
can raise public
awareness
of
this
important
issue
because of their credibility and their call-in-action abilities.
Submitted by cuggikem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Develop your arguments more deeply by adding more detailed examples and explanations. This will not only clarify your stance but also make your ideas more comprehensive and persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, your essay has a clear logical structure, and the introduction and conclusion are well-crafted. However, strive to link ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can improve flow and make your arguments more connected.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorse
  • international aid organizations
  • public awareness
  • amplify
  • advocacy
  • systemic change
  • oversimplification
  • trivialization
  • undermining
  • severity
  • misinformed advocacy
  • distorts
  • hamper
  • guided by experts
  • constructive
  • strategically
What to do next:
Look at other essays: