Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is argued that the

celebrities

Use synonyms

standing out for charity can attract people’s

awareness

Use synonyms

on the contrary

Linking Words

, the opponent thinks that the

celebrities

Use synonyms

can weaken the

issue

Use synonyms

discussion. I believe that

celebrities

Use synonyms

can raise public

awareness

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

important

issue

Use synonyms

. On the one hand, people believe that

celebrities

Use synonyms

cannot attract public

awareness

Use synonyms

because of the following reasons.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the masses are usually more interested in entertainment news.

Along with

Linking Words

the popularity of short videos

such

Linking Words

as Instagram reels and TikTok, people expect to see more stimulus content on social media which can draw more attention, and gossip or personal affairs are the perfect resource.

Thus

Linking Words

, the important

issue

Use synonyms

can be weakened

due to

Linking Words

the public being more interested in entertainment news.

Secondly

Linking Words

celebrities

Use synonyms

only spark the

issue

Use synonyms

but cannot continue the

awareness

Use synonyms

Although

Linking Words

celebrities

Use synonyms

can catch the masses' attention successfully,

while

Linking Words

once without

celebrities

Use synonyms

, the

issue

Use synonyms

cannot earn much more

awareness

Use synonyms

or discussions which only sparks the problem but lacks the continualness of the

issue

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I believe that

celebrities

Use synonyms

can raise public

awareness

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

the following reasons. First of all,

celebrities

Use synonyms

with positive images can raise

awareness

Use synonyms

because they usually have more credibility

Change preposition

with

show examples

the public.

Thus

Linking Words

, the public is much more willing to be concerned about the issues the

celebrities

Use synonyms

stand for.

Additionally

Linking Words

celebrities

Use synonyms

usually have the ability to call into action for their fans. As they worship their idol, the fans will put the same effort to the

issue

Use synonyms

with which their idol is concerned.

As a result

Linking Words

celebrities

Use synonyms

can call their fans to do the real actions. In conclusion, I believe that

celebrities

Use synonyms

can raise public

awareness

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

important

issue

Use synonyms

because of their credibility and their call-in-action abilities.

Submitted by cuggikem on Sun Mar 24 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

To enhance Task Achievement, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Develop your arguments more deeply by adding more detailed examples and explanations. This will not only clarify your stance but also make your ideas more comprehensive and persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion, your essay has a clear logical structure, and the introduction and conclusion are well-crafted. However, strive to link ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can improve flow and make your arguments more connected.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

endorse
international aid organizations
public awareness
amplify
advocacy
systemic change
oversimplification
trivialization
undermining
severity
misinformed advocacy
distorts
hamper
guided by experts
constructive
strategically

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driveless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driveless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
Some people predict that in the future, there will be no vehicles with humans as drivers, all cars and public transportation will only have passengers travelling inside these vehicles. However, this invention might cause a problem for people who work in this field because it will diminish their service demand. But, i believe this new development of technology will have a massive impact on different aspects of life, such as, giving the same opportunity for disabled or old people to experience driving.
5
band
It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?
While it is widely observed that fewer students rather opt for others subjects over sciences in several nations this might happen because of its complexity that made lecturers to easily give up, others argue that this issue could adversly affect society for developing critical thinking in the young. Both point of views of this highly concerned with decline rate of science lecturers will be discussed further in this essay.
6.5
band
some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views give your opinion.
It is believed that the keys to success are determination and hard work, while others argue that appearance and money are more essential. The author of this essay believes that not giving up and being hard-working is vital
5.5
band
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.Others, however, believe that schools in the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Most of the time, the new generation follows the parents and seniors. People are arguing about the fact that children are learning in schools and that they are applying the whole thing to society. This essay will discuss the whole aspect.
4
band
The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will this cause today and what can be done to solve these problems?
It is apodictic that the advancements in the technology has brought tremendous changes in the society. The living styles and previously constructed areas have changed alot, as such areas are not acceptable by people to live there. These kind of suburbs cause various problems to the folks, which are discussed in the ensuing paragraphs along with the plausible solutions.

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driveless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driveless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views give your opinion.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.Others, however, believe that schools in the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will this cause today and what can be done to solve these problems?