IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The main purpose of public libraries should be to provide books. Public libraries should not spend their limited resources on computer software, videos, or DVDs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion that public
libraries
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 should only have a diversity of
books
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 and do not need to take care about providing software applications, videos and other facilities. I do not agree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 essay, I plan to explore a few thoughts of mine about
this
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 phenomenon.
Firstly
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, the immediate picture that comes to our mind when we talk about
libraries
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 is numerous rows of shelves with a plethora of
books
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. Those who regularly use
libraries
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 know that it is challenging to find a particular book among others.
For example
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,
this
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 was the case during my student days, and, in a number of cases, it took a long time to find what I needed to prepare for my exams. Needless to say, with the development of technology it becomes easier to seek materials not only inside a reading room but
also
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 in a whole network of
libraries
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. Obviously, it is beneficiary for them
due to
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 attracting more readers,
hence
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, I am convinced that
such
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 institutions should provide modern means
such
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 as computer applications and platforms for more convenient manipulations of the required information.
Secondly
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, if it is not affordable for
libraries
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 to buy new equipment, they could find sponsors and funding that will help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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tackle predicaments.
For instance
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, the state university in my country has a huge collection of
books
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 and materials and, after attracting external capital, it opened several new well-equipped rooms where there are numerous readers not only students but
also
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 other people. In conclusion, despite the financial constraints that
libraries
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 may face when purchasing modern equipment other than
books
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, I still believe that it is extremely important to keep pace with technological developments and provide the necessary facilities to users.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is present in your introduction to immediately convey your position and forecast the direction of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Detailed real-world examples make your argument more robust and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs as well. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. This helps in maintaining a logical structure throughout.
coherence cohesion
Although you've presented a conclusion, try to make it more impactful by succinctly summarizing your main arguments and reiterating your stance.
task achievement
Increase the depth of your argument by exploring counterpoints and addressing them. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthens your position.
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