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Writing Samples
Band 3

The bar graph below shows the number of overseas students enrolled in a third-year Computer Science course at a Canadian college.

The bar graph below shows the number of overseas students enrolled in a third-year Computer Science course at a Canadian college.
The bar illustrates gender
dissagregated
Correct your spelling
disaggregated
 data of foreign
students
Use synonyms
 from 5 selected countries enrolled in a
third-year
Correct your spelling
third year
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of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
course of computer science at a university in Canada. In general,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 number come from China,
whereas
Linking Words
 the smallest proportion
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from France. Meanwhile, more
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled in
Correct article usage
the Databse
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Databse
Correct your spelling
Database
core
Use synonyms
option
Use synonyms
 than in the Networking
core
Use synonyms
option
Use synonyms
.  Most female
students
Use synonyms
 choose to enrol in
Networking
Correct article usage
the Networking
show examples
core
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 male
students
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 prefer
Database
Correct article usage
the Database
show examples
core
Use synonyms
option
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 does not apply to
students
Use synonyms
 from China
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 choose the opposite. Another interesting point is
france's
Change the capitalization
France's
show examples
 female
students
Use synonyms
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 only choose
database
Correct article usage
the database
show examples
option
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, core, option with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas students
  • enrollment
  • bar graph
  • third-year
  • Computer Science course
  • Canadian college
  • trends
  • regional comparison
  • scholarships
  • college reputation
  • diversity
  • cultural exchange
  • networking opportunities
  • economic factors
  • immigration policies
  • technological advancements
  • future predictions
  • educational importance
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