In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However nowadays, this information can be found through internet, therefore is no need for museum

In the past,
museums
provided several things about culture and history. But these days, information about
museums
should be easily found online, so some
people
believe that
museums
are no longer needed. I Firmly disagree, because there are benefits
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
entering a
museum
directly and could be a medium for a student's learning process. There are advantages that visitors could find by entering a
museum
directly. A
museum
is a space room for visitors to look
and
Change preposition
at and
show examples
hear original recordings
into
Change preposition
of
show examples
some previous culture and history at specific time-lines.
Although
nowadays
people
may be able to find similar information about
museums
just by entering some keywords through the internet that are related to specific
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
, we
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
deny that those
people
are not able to look at the visual of historical heritage directly.
Furthermore
, there is something that can not be replaced because
this
kind of activity must be one way to feel special, which could take
people
into deep imaginations of particular moments. So,
this
is an example of
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
attending a
museum
.
In addition
,
museums
should be a medium of study, especially for children. Schools often bring their students to a
museum
in order to make children enjoy history subjects more and more. Science has described that visual learning could make
people
understand something roughly 25% better than
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading a book in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class.
As a result
, they would be able to understand histories and cultures deeply,
while
they enjoyed the moments at the
museum
. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the statement that we no longer need a
museum
anymore
due to
people
being able to access it Online. Because a
museum
could bring
people
to particular moments and feel
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
as well as
a
museum
could be a medium for children.
Submitted by Keterolac on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes your viewpoint, engaging well with the topic. However, refining your introduction and conclusion to directly address the question can enhance clarity and relevance.
Sentence Structure
Your essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated sentence structures. Incorporating a range of complex sentences can improve the flow and coherence of your writing.
Supporting Examples
While you provide examples to support your ideas, integrating more detailed and specific examples can strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject.
Task Response
You've done a good job at addressing the prompts, but ensuring that every paragraph directly supports your main argument can further improve your task achievement score. Avoid general statements and make every sentence count towards your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible
  • immersive
  • heritage
  • repositories
  • authenticity
  • artifacts
  • curated
  • dynamic
  • dialogue
  • critical thinking
  • diverse perspectives
  • exclusivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!