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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However nowadays, this information can be found through internet, therefore is no need for museum

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In the past,
museums
Use synonyms
 provided several things about culture and history. But these days, information about
museums
Use synonyms
 should be easily found online, so some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
museums
Use synonyms
 are no longer needed. I Firmly disagree, because there are benefits
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 entering a
museum
Use synonyms
 directly and could be a medium for a student's learning process. There are advantages that visitors could find by entering a
museum
Use synonyms
 directly. A
museum
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 is a space room for visitors to look
and
Change preposition
at and
show examples
 hear original recordings
into
Change preposition
of
show examples
 some previous culture and history at specific time-lines.
Although
Linking Words
 nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 may be able to find similar information about
museums
Use synonyms
 just by entering some keywords through the internet that are related to specific
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
, we
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 deny that those
people
Use synonyms
 are not able to look at the visual of historical heritage directly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is something that can not be replaced because
this
Linking Words
 kind of activity must be one way to feel special, which could take
people
Use synonyms
 into deep imaginations of particular moments. So,
this
Linking Words
 is an example of
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 attending a
museum
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
museums
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 should be a medium of study, especially for children. Schools often bring their students to a
museum
Use synonyms
 in order to make children enjoy history subjects more and more. Science has described that visual learning could make
people
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 understand something roughly 25% better than
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading a book in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class.
As a result
Linking Words
, they would be able to understand histories and cultures deeply,
while
Linking Words
 they enjoyed the moments at the
museum
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the statement that we no longer need a
museum
Use synonyms
 anymore
due to
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 being able to access it Online. Because a
museum
Use synonyms
 could bring
people
Use synonyms
 to particular moments and feel
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
as well as
Linking Words
 a
museum
Use synonyms
 could be a medium for children.

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Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes your viewpoint, engaging well with the topic. However, refining your introduction and conclusion to directly address the question can enhance clarity and relevance.
Sentence Structure
Your essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated sentence structures. Incorporating a range of complex sentences can improve the flow and coherence of your writing.
Supporting Examples
While you provide examples to support your ideas, integrating more detailed and specific examples can strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject.
Task Response
You've done a good job at addressing the prompts, but ensuring that every paragraph directly supports your main argument can further improve your task achievement score. Avoid general statements and make every sentence count towards your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible
  • immersive
  • heritage
  • repositories
  • authenticity
  • artifacts
  • curated
  • dynamic
  • dialogue
  • critical thinking
  • diverse perspectives
  • exclusivity
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