Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination. While others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There has been an ongoing argument about
weather
it is hard Correct your spelling
whether
work
or determination of factors such
as money and appearance is more important for bringing success in life . It is the author's opinion that the hard-working and dedicated process is more essential for a successful life but I also
can not deny the necessity of outlook and finance.
The most advantageous aspect of being on hard-working human is experience. An employee who is hard working will come with an abundance of good experiences. To explain this
, having good mental and patient
would lead to you Replace the word
patience
get
to know a lot of people, Wrong verb form
getting
do
a lot of difficult Correct word choice
and do
work
and therefore
, results in experience fulfilment,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
This
will benefit that
person in ways like being more popular in the workplace or being able to solve more and more difficult tasks.
It must be understood that hard work
is a crucial personality in later life. One justification is that the chance of getting a promotion will be significantly higher if labourers are following the right path, thereby, it sustains itself and increases the opportunities as well. Another instance is everyone is compensated for anything they have done, which is a neutral way to receive a better salary without risks, it is also
a route for people who do not have the courage or the demand of getting fame and bulk of money.
In contrast
, there is a group of individuals arguing that their outlook and available bucks are the foundations for becoming successful due to
fame. Therefore
, it creates relationships and acquaintances that are also
important aspects of investing and sponsoring. However
, a drawback approach is that it is for several particular jobs, such
as singer. Simultaneously, a tiny rate of successful individuals exists and accounts for the minority category.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that hard work
will be made up for by raising their position and money. Thus
, it is the safest method to reach the top of achievement and honour.Submitted by [email protected] on
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grammar vocabulary
Despite a few minor inaccuracies in grammar and vocabulary, your essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear personal stance on the issue. To enhance your response further, consider diversifying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to convey your points more precisely.
specific examples
You've made an excellent attempt at discussing both views and providing a reasoned argument for your own perspective. To further improve, try to include more specific examples that directly support your main points. This would make your argument even more convincing.
cohesion
Your essay displays a coherent structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To boost cohesion, make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to smoothly connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more naturally.
balanced discussion
Try to ensure equal development of all parts of the essay. While it's clear that you have put thought into both sides of the argument, ensuring that both views are equally explored before expressing your own opinion can further strengthen your essay.
effective addressing
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a well-reasoned argument for your perspective.
structure
The structure of your essay, consisting of an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, supports the clarity and coherence of your argument.
engagement effort
Your engagement with the topic and effort to discuss both sides of the argument is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.