Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Whether
success
stems from the devotion of time, efforts
and energy or it is attributable to financial and outlook factors is a debatable discussion point. The writer of Fix the agreement mistake
effort
this
essay contends that determination and hard work
is the ultimate pathway to triumphant
Replace the word
triumph
due to
the low risk
nature and increased efficiency, despite some who Add a hyphen
low-risk
believes
that Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
money
and image is
more significant as it is the main motivation for workers.
It should be noted that putting time and effort into completing a task saves the unreliability and imperfection Change the verb form
are
from
hiring an outside expert. It should be self-evident that by joining in the Change preposition
of
work
, altering
the process, employees can create a product which is suitable and acceptable. Correct word choice
and altering
By contrast
, hiring third-party professionals to carry out the task, they
can do it in a way to maximize their own profit, which can be charging more Correct pronoun usage
apply
money
, or making a defective product. As a result
, corporations value individual determination rather than relying on using
Verb problem
apply
money
to employ experts.
However
, there is a small group of people who argue that finance and impression is
vital. They opine that Change the verb form
are
money
is the main motivation for companies, and owning it is a way to gain power, which may lead to success
. In addition
, they also
mention that reputation can be boosted through appearance. While
this
may be true, evidents
Correct your spelling
evidence
have
shown that putting rich, yet irresponsible Correct subject-verb agreement
has
person
into high Fix the agreement mistake
people
postion
ultimately results in the downfall of the enterprises.
Correct your spelling
positions
This
authors hold the opinion that hard Change the determiner
These
work
is also
a vital factor in bringing triumph. This
is because hard work
brings about the voluntary responsibility for task
, Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
while
also
increasing efficiency. Consequently
, the job will be handled with the goal of making a
ideal product, which leads to more income and reputation, inevitably resulting in Change the article
an
success
. For instance
, a report from Amazon have
Change the verb form
has
showed
that devoted, hard-working employees have the Change the verb form
shown
tendancy
to Correct your spelling
tendency
work
longer hours on their duty, increasing the
productivity by more than 50%.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
apply
while
there are some people who think that success
in life comes from money
and appearance, proponents including myself believe that hard work
and determination is
the deciding factors. Change the verb form
are
Therefore
, it should have been shown that company
must encourage devotion and avoid a Correct article usage
the company
money
-driven working environment.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed equally. While your essay gives a clear position, it leans heavily towards one view. Try to balance your discussion between both viewpoints before concluding with your opinion.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the smoothness of transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow. While the structure is logical, more seamless connections could strengthen the essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more varied and specific examples to support your points. While examples are present, they could be more detailed and directly tied to the argument to convince the reader fully.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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