Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
While
many Linking Words
people
claim that Use synonyms
money
and appearance are more crucial, others believe that success comes from persistence and hard Use synonyms
work
. Use synonyms
This
writer will discuss both views and point out the Linking Words
opinion
.
On the one hand, there are many reasons why some Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
people
argue that Use synonyms
money
and appearance play a vital role in attaining accomplishment. Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
people
born in affluent families tend to have a firm foundation of finance which can help them easily develop themselves. To be specific, a son of Use synonyms
wealthy
family can have Add an article
the wealthy
a wealthy
a
huge Remove the article
apply
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
their
beginning and unless they waste Change the word
the
money
and time, they will be a successful person on their career in the future.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, it can be recognized that hard Linking Words
work
and Use synonyms
determination
are key factors to succeeding. Use synonyms
Firstly
, not every Linking Words
people
have enough Use synonyms
money
at the beginning. Use synonyms
For example
, there are some Linking Words
case
that student must Fix the agreement mistake
cases
work
extra time to have enough Use synonyms
money
for their life. Use synonyms
Secondly
, Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
determination
can Use synonyms
compare
with appearance to show respect to Wrong verb form
be compared
other
. Fix the agreement mistake
others
For instance
, If someone Linking Words
go
Change the verb form
goes
for
Change preposition
to
a
Remove the article
work
a job
work
, with their Use synonyms
determination
, they can promote Use synonyms
and
success in the future.
In my opinion, Correct word choice
apply
i
think that Change the capitalization
I
the
Correct article usage
apply
determination
is more important than others because if Use synonyms
people
have enough Use synonyms
determination
, they can do everything they want. Use synonyms
In contrast
, Linking Words
money
is not because it will run out Use synonyms
of
if Change preposition
apply
people
waste Use synonyms
them
.
In conclusion, there are many Correct pronoun usage
it
reason
to be successful Change to a plural noun
reasons
such
as financial or Linking Words
determination
. Use synonyms
However
, the Linking Words
important
of Replace the word
importance
determination
is various.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
To improve 'logical structure,' ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting sentences that logically follow. Consider adding transition words or phrases to better connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
For 'introduction and conclusion presence,' your essay has these but they could be clearer. Your introduction should more directly address the essay question, and your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion more strongly.
coherence cohesion
To enhance 'supported main points,' use more detailed examples and explanations to back up your claims. Try to incorporate real-life examples, statistics, or studies to make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
For a 'complete response,' make sure you fully address all parts of the task. Your essay mentions both views but could delve deeper into the analysis of each. Adding more detailed explanations and examples will help.
task achievement
Improve 'clear comprehensive ideas' by ensuring your points are not just listed but thoroughly explained and linked to the essay question. Each paragraph should smoothly flow into the next, providing a comprehensive argument.
task achievement
Regarding 'relevant specific examples,' while some examples are provided, they lack the specificity or detail that could make your argument more convincing. Including more precise examples, such as real-life successes attributed to either hard work or external factors, can enhance your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.