Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
While
many people
claim that money
and appearance are more crucial, others believe that success comes from persistence and hard work
. This
writer will discuss both views and point out the opinion
.
On the one hand, there are many reasons why some Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
people
argue that money
and appearance play a vital role in attaining accomplishment. Firstly
, people
born in affluent families tend to have a firm foundation of finance which can help them easily develop themselves. To be specific, a son of wealthy
family can have Add an article
the wealthy
a wealthy
a
huge Remove the article
apply
money
for
Change preposition
in
their
beginning and unless they waste Change the word
the
money
and time, they will be a successful person on their career in the future.
On the other hand
, it can be recognized that hard work
and determination
are key factors to succeeding. Firstly
, not every people
have enough money
at the beginning. For example
, there are some case
that student must Fix the agreement mistake
cases
work
extra time to have enough money
for their life. Secondly
, the
Correct article usage
apply
determination
can compare
with appearance to show respect to Wrong verb form
be compared
other
. Fix the agreement mistake
others
For instance
, If someone go
Change the verb form
goes
for
Change preposition
to
a
Remove the article
work
a job
work
, with their determination
, they can promote and
success in the future.
In my opinion, Correct word choice
apply
i
think that Change the capitalization
I
the
Correct article usage
apply
determination
is more important than others because if people
have enough determination
, they can do everything they want. In contrast
, money
is not because it will run out of
if Change preposition
apply
people
waste them
.
In conclusion, there are many Correct pronoun usage
it
reason
to be successful Change to a plural noun
reasons
such
as financial or determination
. However
, the important
of Replace the word
importance
determination
is various.Submitted by [email protected] on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve 'logical structure,' ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting sentences that logically follow. Consider adding transition words or phrases to better connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
For 'introduction and conclusion presence,' your essay has these but they could be clearer. Your introduction should more directly address the essay question, and your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion more strongly.
coherence cohesion
To enhance 'supported main points,' use more detailed examples and explanations to back up your claims. Try to incorporate real-life examples, statistics, or studies to make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
For a 'complete response,' make sure you fully address all parts of the task. Your essay mentions both views but could delve deeper into the analysis of each. Adding more detailed explanations and examples will help.
task achievement
Improve 'clear comprehensive ideas' by ensuring your points are not just listed but thoroughly explained and linked to the essay question. Each paragraph should smoothly flow into the next, providing a comprehensive argument.
task achievement
Regarding 'relevant specific examples,' while some examples are provided, they lack the specificity or detail that could make your argument more convincing. Including more precise examples, such as real-life successes attributed to either hard work or external factors, can enhance your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.