Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factor such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Whether
success
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in life is a highly subjective discussion point.
However
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, from prior experience, it is more beneficial to achieve goals
due to
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money
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and appearance, despite those who believe that
people
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gain
success
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from hard work and
determination
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. It must be understood that
people
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will have a lot of burdens when they try to reach the goal that can make citizens unsatisfied.
Therefore
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,
hard-working
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a hard-working
the hard-working
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person
need
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needs
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a lot of
determination
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and dedication to overcome their opponents.
Moreover
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, hard-working citizens who never give up will gain
manager's
Correct article usage
the manager's
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trust so they can easily get promoted.
Thus
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, hard work and
determination
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need being
Verb problem
are needed
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Use synonyms
success
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for success
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in
human's
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human
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life.
However
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, some
people
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think that
money
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and appearance
is play
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play
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a vital role
to have
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in having
show examples
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
a successful
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career.
This
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is a belief that
money
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is an inseparable tool of all
people
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around the globe so when they have more
money
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, they can achieve a goal
quickly
Correct quantifier usage
more quickly
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than their colleagues by using
money
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to buy
position
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positions
show examples
in the company and make attractive to managers.
Moreover
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, when
people
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who have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good beauty will create friendliness and attraction to peers so they can easily help and take care
whatever
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of whatever
show examples
you want. From
this
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writer's experience, citizens who have more
money
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and beautiful appearance are better
to
Correct word choice
able to
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have successful
career
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careers
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.
This
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is because these factors can be easily attracted to
manager
Correct article usage
a manager
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than
hard-working
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a hard-working
the hard-working
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person.
Moreover
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, rich
people
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can do everything by utilizing their
money
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to rent
another’s
Correct quantifier usage
other’s
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people
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to do or give to
mangers
Correct your spelling
managers
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to have
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
and power in
workplace
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the workplace
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. A
person
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personal
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example is in almost
company
Correct determiner usage
every company
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around the world, there are some
people
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who do not
any
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have any
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talent and still use
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money
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the money
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to create
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a relationship
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relationship
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relationships
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to get higher
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
. In conclusion, in some
fields
Add a comma
fields,
show examples
hard work and
determination
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are enough to achieve
success
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.
However
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, there are certain other fields where looks matter more. That said, good looks or
money
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alone will not suffice. Attractive and rich
people
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also
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have to try
although
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they have it a whole lot easier.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear stance in your introduction and summarize it effectively in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing your varied opinions more clearly, as they should easily guide the reader throughout the essay.
task achievement
To make your points clearer, it's important to elaborate on your examples, showing how they directly support your viewpoints.
task achievement
Clarify your viewpoints by more effectively outlining and developing them in distinct paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay's flow by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help to connect ideas more logically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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