Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factor such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Whether
success
in life is a highly subjective discussion point. However
, from prior experience, it is more beneficial to achieve goals due to
money
and appearance, despite those who believe that people
gain success
from hard work and determination
.
It must be understood that people
will have a lot of burdens when they try to reach the goal that can make citizens unsatisfied. Therefore
, hard-working
person Add an article
a hard-working
the hard-working
need
a lot of Change the verb form
needs
determination
and dedication to overcome their opponents. Moreover
, hard-working citizens who never give up will gain manager's
trust so they can easily get promoted. Correct article usage
the manager's
Thus
, hard work and determination
need being
Verb problem
are needed
success
in Change preposition
for success
human's
life.
Change noun form
human
However
, some people
think that money
and appearance is play
a vital role Change the verb form
play
to have
Change preposition
in having
success
career. Replace the word
a successful
This
is a belief that money
is an inseparable tool of all people
around the globe so when they have more money
, they can achieve a goal quickly
than their colleagues by using Correct quantifier usage
more quickly
money
to buy position
in the company and make attractive to managers. Fix the agreement mistake
positions
Moreover
, when people
who have a
good beauty will create friendliness and attraction to peers so they can easily help and take care Correct article usage
apply
whatever
you want.
From Change preposition
of whatever
this
writer's experience, citizens who have more money
and beautiful appearance are better to
have successful Correct word choice
able to
career
. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
This
is because these factors can be easily attracted to manager
than Correct article usage
a manager
hard-working
person. Add an article
a hard-working
the hard-working
Moreover
, rich people
can do everything by utilizing their money
to rent another’s
Correct quantifier usage
other’s
people
to do or give to mangers
to have Correct your spelling
managers
position
and power in Fix the agreement mistake
positions
workplace
. A Add an article
the workplace
person
example is in almost Replace the word
personal
company
around the world, there are some Correct determiner usage
every company
people
who do not any
talent and still use Add a missing verb
have any
money
to create Add an article
the money
Add an article
a relationship
relationship
to get higher Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
position
.
In conclusion, in some Fix the agreement mistake
positions
fields
hard work and Add a comma
fields,
determination
are enough to achieve success
. However
, there are certain other fields where looks matter more. That said, good looks or money
alone will not suffice. Attractive and rich people
also
have to try although
they have it a whole lot easier.Submitted by zky1705202 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure a clear stance in your introduction and summarize it effectively in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing your varied opinions more clearly, as they should easily guide the reader throughout the essay.
task achievement
To make your points clearer, it's important to elaborate on your examples, showing how they directly support your viewpoints.
task achievement
Clarify your viewpoints by more effectively outlining and developing them in distinct paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay's flow by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help to connect ideas more logically.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.