IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important facts such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #facts #money #appearance
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Many individuals argue that
success
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 in life comes from hard
work
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 and
determination
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 meanwhile
money
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also
Linking Words
 appearance are more necessary factors. In
this
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 essay, the author will illustrate why the hard-working and
determination
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 are the keys to
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
 that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more than
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
factorfactors
Correct your spelling
factor
. It must be recognized that
success
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 should be understood that the main reasons to be successful the
determination
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 and hard
work
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.
This
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 is because most
people
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 will need
success
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 in their lives as the keys are two of them. For example, most students succeed in their studies because they have a determined and hard
work
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 style.
Therefore
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, it is easy to understand why
people
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 must have a determined and strong will in the
success
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 path.
However
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, some
people
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 say that hard
work
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 and
determination
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 are not the most important factors because mostly they want successful, they will need a head mark like
money
Use synonyms
 and appearance.
This
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 belief is based on these modern days by
money
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 and look are the most things
people
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 need to reach their
success
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 mark. Despite
this
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 may be true, focusing on
money
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 or others cannot make a straight way to
success
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like
Change preposition
with
show examples
determination
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 and hard
work
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.
This
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 writer admitted that being determined to
work
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 and being a hard-working guy will help them find
success
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 quickly.
This
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 depends on the fact that being determined and hard
work
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 will push
further
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 to
success
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 and will be stuck in the best way. Because of
this
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,
people
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 should be more determined in
work
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 and more hard-working too.
Thus
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, having the key and making the own way of
success
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 are essential points that need to be considered.
Hence
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, it should have been shown that heading toward the goal must be determined and positive
work
Use synonyms
 will make the better than other factors.

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introduction conclusion present
Be sure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the direction of your essay. Additionally, aim for a concise and impactful conclusion summarizing your main points and presenting your final stance.
complete response
Develop your ideas more fully with specific examples and explanations. This will help you ensure that your essay fully responds to the task and demonstrates an in-depth understanding of the topic.
logical structure
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for each main point. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
clear comprehensive ideas
To improve clarity and coherence, ensure that each paragraph introduces a single main idea, supported by detailed examples or explanations. This will help make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your main points. This adds credibility to your arguments and helps illustrate your ideas more convincingly.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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