Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination. while others think that there are more important fators such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.
some
people
harbor
a belief that hard Change the spelling
harbour
work
and determination can contribute to success in life
. Many people
have the reverse viewpoint there are other factors such
as money
and appearance. In my opinion, I stand with both opinions since the mentioned factor
are equally Fix the agreement mistake
factors
importance
to Replace the word
important
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
life
.
Firstly
, one of the main argument
in favour of hand Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
work
and determination is that achievement grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
up
confidence since the abilities are recognized by Change preposition
apply
company
. Add an article
the company
Therefore
, hard work
and determination will provide individuals with goal
to achieve which will lead to a sense of accomplishment. Fix the agreement mistake
goals
Moreover
, when employees set high standards at their work
, they have higher potential than others to gain promotion which will lead to progress in their socioeconomic status. Hence
, hard work
and ambition ill
make Correct your spelling
will
people
improve and feel recognize
in their careers.
On the other end of the view, Wrong verb form
recognised
money
and appearance are vital to build up confidence and have a high quality of life
. Although
people
usually say “you
cannot judge a book by its cover”, it cannot be denied that good-looking is able to make individuals feel pleasant and enhance personal confidence. When it comes to Capitalize word
You
money
, it can be a dream life
when a person does not need to worry about money
. Money
provide
individuals with Change the verb form
provides
life
possibilities as they have chances to choose the lifestyles they prefer. Thus
, the two factors can directly up lift
one’s self-recognition.
Correct your spelling
uplift
To sum up
, despite the fact that hard work
and ambition have indispensable roles to play in one’s lie
, the satisfaction from Correct your spelling
life
money
and appearance cannot be deny
. Change the verb form
be denied
Therefore
, the listed factors are equally crucial to a balanced life
development.Submitted by khoi11nk11e on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is fairly coherent, however, you need to structure your paragraphs more clearly with topic sentences that introduce the idea of the paragraph, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. Also, pay attention to the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words more effectively to enhance the coherence of your argument.
task achievement
While you've addressed the task and provided a balanced view on both sides of the argument, your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. Expand your argument by including real-life examples or citing credible sources that support your views. This will not only strengthen your position but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.