IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination. while others think that there are more important fators such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #fators #money #appearance #dicuss
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some
people
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harbor
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harbour
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 a belief that hard
work
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 and determination can contribute to success in
life
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. Many
people
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 have the reverse viewpoint there are other factors
such
Linking Words
 as
money
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 and appearance. In my opinion, I stand with both opinions since the mentioned
factor
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factors
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 are equally
importance
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important
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 to
healthy
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a healthy
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life
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.
Firstly
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, one of the main
argument
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arguments
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 in favour of hand
work
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 and determination is that achievement
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
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up
Change preposition
apply
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confidence since the abilities are recognized by
company
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the company
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.
Therefore
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, hard
work
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 and determination will provide individuals with
goal
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goals
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 to achieve which will lead to a sense of accomplishment.
Moreover
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, when employees set high standards at their
work
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, they have higher potential than others to gain promotion which will lead to progress in their socioeconomic status.
Hence
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, hard
work
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 and ambition
ill
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will
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 make
people
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 improve and feel
recognize
Wrong verb form
recognised
show examples
 in their careers. On the other end of the view,
money
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 and appearance are vital to build up confidence and have a high quality of
life
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.
Although
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people
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 usually say “
you
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You
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 cannot judge a book by its cover”, it cannot be denied that good-looking is able to make individuals feel pleasant and enhance personal confidence. When it comes to
money
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, it can be a dream
life
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 when a person does not need to worry about
money
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.
Money
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provide
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provides
show examples
 individuals with
life
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 possibilities as they have chances to choose the lifestyles they prefer.
Thus
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, the two factors can directly
up lift
Correct your spelling
uplift
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 one’s self-recognition.
To sum up
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, despite the fact that hard
work
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 and ambition have indispensable roles to play in one’s
lie
Correct your spelling
life
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, the satisfaction from
money
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 and appearance cannot
be deny
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be denied
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the listed factors are equally crucial to a balanced
life
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 development.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is fairly coherent, however, you need to structure your paragraphs more clearly with topic sentences that introduce the idea of the paragraph, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. Also, pay attention to the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words more effectively to enhance the coherence of your argument.
task achievement
While you've addressed the task and provided a balanced view on both sides of the argument, your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. Expand your argument by including real-life examples or citing credible sources that support your views. This will not only strengthen your position but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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