some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as meuney and appearance . Discuss both view and give opinion

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There is an agreement that being successful in life
from
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is from
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taking risks and chances, but others believe that there would be more difficult vital elements. The following essay will discuss both views in
details
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detail
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. On the one hand, a group of people state that hard work and
determination
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are two essential factors to succeed.
For example
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, some fields require physical activities
such
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as sports
or
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and
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a
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apply
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numerous careers need
determination
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and curiosity
such
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as education, which cannot rely on
money
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and appearance. First of all, putting
a
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in a
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lot of effort enables people to get some worthwhile life experiences. To
illustrates
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illustrate
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my thesis,
it
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if
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someone
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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an attempt and
pay
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pays
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attention to claim their aims, they will feel proud of themselves,
who
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and
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gain achievements. With
the
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apply
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sports,
money
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would
no
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not
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bring
your
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you
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physical
encourage
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encouragement
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or cannot buy the time you focus on
practicing
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practising
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body.
Second,
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determination
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inspires us to develop goals that serve as the cornerstone of success.
This
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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is
Correct your spelling
it
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a necessary talent to help people solve complicated challenges in all circumstances.
On the other hand
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, there are a number of reasons why having
money
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and attraction support to succeed.
Within
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Money
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money
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help
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helps
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everyone fulfil their ambitions,
such
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as having power and physical beauty.
For instance
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, there will be a
lots
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lot
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options
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of options
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to advance quickly in their career, which they desire in communities.
Furthermore
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, one of the key elements affecting success is one’s appearance
To sum up
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,
although
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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appearance and financial position have great impacts
o
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on
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achievement hard work and
determination
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are the most domination
for
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to
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success
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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. In your conclusion, make sure to summarize your main points and clearly state your opinion on the topic.
coherence
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
content
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by adequate support and examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
accuracy
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Minor errors can detract from the overall quality of your essay. Consider proofreading your work carefully or using grammar checking tools.
clarity
Be clear and specific in your thesis statement. Clearly outline the scope of your essay in the introduction to guide the reader through your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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