some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as meuney and appearance . Discuss both view and give opinion

There is an agreement that being successful in life
from
Add a missing verb
is from
show examples
taking risks and chances, but others believe that there would be more difficult vital elements. The following essay will discuss both views in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
. On the one hand, a group of people state that hard work and
determination
are two essential factors to succeed.
For example
, some fields require physical activities
such
as sports
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous careers need
determination
and curiosity
such
as education, which cannot rely on
money
and appearance. First of all, putting
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
lot of effort enables people to get some worthwhile life experiences. To
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
my thesis,
it
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
someone
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
an attempt and
pay
Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
show examples
attention to claim their aims, they will feel proud of themselves,
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
gain achievements. With
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports,
money
would
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
bring
your
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
physical
encourage
Replace the word
encouragement
show examples
or cannot buy the time you focus on
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
body.
Second,
determination
inspires us to develop goals that serve as the cornerstone of success.
This
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
a necessary talent to help people solve complicated challenges in all circumstances.
On the other hand
, there are a number of reasons why having
money
and attraction support to succeed.
Within
Change preposition
Money
show examples
money
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
everyone fulfil their ambitions,
such
as having power and physical beauty.
For instance
, there will be a
lots
Correct quantifier usage
lot
show examples
options
Change preposition
of options
show examples
to advance quickly in their career, which they desire in communities.
Furthermore
, one of the key elements affecting success is one’s appearance
To sum up
,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appearance and financial position have great impacts
o
Change preposition
on
show examples
achievement hard work and
determination
are the most domination
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
success
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. In your conclusion, make sure to summarize your main points and clearly state your opinion on the topic.
coherence
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
content
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by adequate support and examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
accuracy
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Minor errors can detract from the overall quality of your essay. Consider proofreading your work carefully or using grammar checking tools.
clarity
Be clear and specific in your thesis statement. Clearly outline the scope of your essay in the introduction to guide the reader through your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: