IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while other think that are more important factors such as money and apperance. Discuss both view and give your opinion

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #apperance
Many individuals believe that
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
 and determination will
be
Verb problem
help them
show examples
succeeded
Wrong verb form
succeed
show examples
 in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
 think that money and appearance are important factors
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
This
 essay argues that
success
 in
life
demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hard work and determination, and will explain why I choose it. On the one hand,
life
 will be succeeded
bases
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on trying to do
somethings
Fix the agreement mistake
something
show examples
 and having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
determination. Actually, it can be true because the appearance of
success
 in
life
belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to
hard-working
Replace the word
hard work
show examples
. It means they have patience and
clearly
Change the word
clear
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
, the
success
 will
acquire
Wrong verb form
be acquired
show examples
 more quickly.
For example
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global
Change the word
globally
show examples
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
quality
Fix the agreement mistake
qualities
show examples
base
Replace the word
based
show examples
 on
power
Correct article usage
the power
show examples
 and knowledge they have.
Thus
, the result they achieved will become.
On the other hand
,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 thinks finance and appearance are an important factor
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
 their
life become
Wrong verb form
lives
show examples
 better.
This
 means that
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 will
happiness
Replace the word
be happy
show examples
 and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 enough
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
things when they have two factors. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 it may be true, but the
major
Correct your spelling
majority
show examples
 of it
bases
Wrong verb form
is based
show examples
 on fortune, it can solve certainly. If you want to have
success
 for a long time, it will be
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
ideas
Fix the agreement mistake
idea
show examples
 and
also
 make your
life
 more difficult. In conclusion,
success
 always
surround
Change the verb form
surrounds
show examples
 everyone, but you should have chosen each of
Correct article usage
the factor
show examples
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 and
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
show examples
 of time that make your
life
 better.

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion. Your introduction should give a brief overview of the points that you will discuss in the essay.
Supported Main Points
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Try to include personal, historical, or hypothetical examples to support your arguments.
Complete Response
Make sure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Your opinion should be clear throughout the essay, and the conclusion should summarise your views effectively.
Logical Structure
Improve the logical flow of your ideas by using linking words and phrases more effectively. This enhances the coherence of the essay and makes it easier to follow.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Work on the clarity of your ideas by articulating them more precisely. Avoid overly complex or unclear sentences that might confuse the reader.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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