Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a real case scenario that educated readers have no speciality in one subject rather than vice versa.
Although
Linking Words
many think that a single career job is an idea of the outdated trend, others state that there should be many ways to earn money with several education. It is agreed that educated readers or personnel ought to find optional paths to earn extra
income
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as investing in cryptocurrency and buying real estate properties.
This
Linking Words
essay will examine how
this
Linking Words
idea helps to create more ways to become successful in life. The foremost argument says that investing in cryptocurrency would be a better smart decision. Because of
this
Linking Words
investment individuals lend out many loans throughout
this
Linking Words
asset, which helps to gain more financial benefits.
For example
Linking Words
, in recent article claims that in future there will be more banking systems operating and accepting digital currency
such
Linking Words
as bitcoin in many countries. Another argument supports the real estate option which is
also
Linking Words
another way to build an empire.
This
Linking Words
happens when educated personnel start to educate themselves by gaining knowledge on buying real estate property-related books.
For instance
Linking Words
, Robert Kyonsanky, who wrote a book and shared it in the market so many interested can learn and create passive
income
Use synonyms
through
this
Linking Words
education. In conclusion, it is a fact that the singular option of doing a job just creates a small portion of
income
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
multiple ways of educating systems generate several types of
income
Use synonyms
. It is an obvious reason to support and figure out several career options for educated people throughout their life journey.
Submitted by patelhardik2199 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay provides a standpoint but lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that aligns with IELTS writing task 2 expectations. While it discusses the topic of career multiplicity and ongoing education, the thesis statement is not evidently presented, and the conclusion is weak. As an IELTS examiner, I recommend establishing a clear thesis statement in the introduction and restating it in the conclusion for better coherence. Moreover, the body paragraphs need to be more focused and developed with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
This essay shows attempts at organizing ideas, but the logical flow between them is weak, impacting the logical structure grade. Transitional phrases are underutilized, leading to a lack of clear progression of ideas. To enhance your coherence and cohesion score, make use of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs seamlessly. Additionally, ensure that each body paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details and examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: