ome people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while others think that therefore more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Working hard and being
determinated
are Correct your spelling
determined
believe
to be a key Wrong verb form
believed
for
a bright future.Change preposition
to
However
, insist that money
and looks play a greater role
in helping a person succeed. In my opinion, both views have their merits. While
good looks or money
alone cannot help a person succeed, in many fields
hard work
or determination
is not sufficient either.
On the one
hand,hard work
and determination
can reduce the length of road
to Correct article usage
the road
success
.To begin
with ,on that road ,there are many difficulties which are the barriers.We need being
hard-working to break them.Change the verb form
to be
Moreover
,paying attention studiously to work
can help us collect experience,being more flexible and open our knowledge,all of them are going to contribute to increasing exponentiall
our chances of Correct your spelling
exponentially
exponential
success
.Beside
that,Replace the word
Besides
determination
is an enormous source of energy,it plays an important role
in improving mood when working,release
the stress from Wrong verb form
releasing
workplace
,and Add an article
the workplace
keep
the ambition not to give up our job.Wrong verb form
keeping
For instance
, James Cameron, a major figure in the post new
Hollywood era, and Add a hyphen
post-new
one
of the industry's most innovative filmmakers,used to be a poor driver.But having worked hard and been determinated
,he was successful in achieving Correct your spelling
determined
dreams
.
Correct pronoun usage
his dreams
On the other hand
, there are certain other fields
where good looks or wealth can help a person succeed. In show business, for example
, attractive looks play a huge role
. Good looks are extremely important for someone who wants to be an actor or television show host. Money
can also
help one
buy success
. Rich kids often get to study in ivy
colleges even if they are not particularly brilliant. The connections they make there help them achieve greater Capitalize word
Ivy
success
in future. In addition
, they have capital to invest so success
comes to them more easily.Even in fields
like medicine, law or business, attractive looks improve a hardworking person’s success
substantially. Clients may prefer a good looking
attorney to a plain Add a hyphen
good-looking
one
. Good looks also
enhance a person’s self confidence
. They are not exactly afraid of rejection and Add a hyphen
self-confidence
this
confidence also
plays a crucial role
in boosting their success
.
In conclusion, in some fields
hard Add a comma
fields,
work
and determination
are enough to achieve success
. However
, there are certain other fields
where looks matter more. That said, good looks or money
alone will not suffice. Attractive and rich people also
have to try although
they have it a whole lot easier.Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each of the viewpoints, and the conclusion. Use transition words to enhance the flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on your spelling and grammar to improve readability and professionalism. Words like 'determinated' should be 'determined,' and ‘exponentiall’ should be 'exponentially.' Proper grammar and spelling are crucial for conveying your message effectively.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully by expanding on your examples and explaining how they support your argument. For instance, after mentioning James Cameron's success story, briefly describe the specific hardships he overcame through hard work and determination.
task achievement
Address the question directly throughout your essay by explicitly discussing how both views relate to your opinion. Make sure to restate your opinion in the conclusion to reinforce your stance.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
