SomeSome People Think That Success In Life Comes From Hard Work And Determination, While Others Think That There Are More Important Factors Such As Money And Appearance

#somesome #people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

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Working hard and being determined are believed to be a key to a bright future.

However

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, insist that

money

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and looks play a greater

role

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in helping a person succeed. In my opinion, both views have their merits.

While

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good looks or

money

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alone cannot help a person succeed, in many

fields

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hard

work

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determination

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is not sufficient either. On the

one

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hand,hard

work

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and

determination

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can reduce the length of the road to

success

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To begin

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with ,on that road ,there are many difficulties which are the barriers.We need to be hard-working to break them.

Moreover

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,paying attention studiously to

work

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can help us collect experience,

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

more flexible and open our knowledge,all of them are going to contribute to increasing exponentially our chances of

success

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Besides

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that,

determination

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is an enormous source of energy,it plays an important

role

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in improving mood when working, releasing the stress from the workplace ,and keeping the ambition not to give up our job.

For instance

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, James Cameron, a major figure in the post-new Hollywood era, and

one

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of the industry's most innovative filmmakers,used to be a poor driver.But having worked hard and been determined,he was successful in achieving his dreams.

On the other hand

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, there are certain other

fields

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where good looks or wealth can help a person succeed. In show business,

for example

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, attractive looks play a huge

role

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. Good looks are extremely important for someone who wants to be an actor or television show host.

Money

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can

also

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help

one

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buy

success

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. Rich kids often get to study in Ivy colleges even if they are not particularly brilliant. The connections they make there help them achieve greater

success

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in future.

In addition

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, they have capital to invest so

success

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comes to them more easily.Even in

fields

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like medicine, law or business, attractive looks improve a hardworking person’s

success

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substantially. Clients may prefer a good-looking attorney to a plain

one

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. Good looks

also

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enhance a person’s self-confidence. They are not exactly afraid of rejection and

this

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confidence

also

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plays a crucial

role

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in boosting their

success

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. In conclusion, in some

fields

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, hard

work

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and

determination

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are enough to achieve

success

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However

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, there are certain other

fields

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where looks matter more. That said, good looks or

money

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alone will not suffice. Attractive and rich people

also

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have to try

although

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they have it a whole lot easier.

Mon Mar 25 2024

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Task Achievement

You've presented a balanced view, acknowledging both sides of the argument effectively. To improve, ensure you develop each point with more detailed examples and explanation. This specificity will make your argument more compelling and improve your score in task achievement.

Introduction & Conclusion

Your essay shows a good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. To enhance your score, consider adding a more impactful thesis statement in your introduction and a more reflective final statement in your conclusion. This will create a stronger opening and closing impression.

Logical Structure

You've maintained a logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. However, to increase your score in coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the transitions between ideas within paragraphs. Use varied linking phrases to ensure smoother transitions and to help your reader follow your argument more easily.

Supported Main Points

While you provide examples to support your points, try to integrate these examples more fluidly into your discussion. Explaining the significance of each example in relation to your main argument will strengthen your essay's coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

389 words

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SomeSome People Think That Success In Life Comes From Hard Work And Determination, While Others Think That There Are More Important Factors Such As Money And Appearance

Your opinion

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Youre is oh abing friend has asked r yo urternitu college project Write a letter to your friend. In your letter • say how important New Year is to people in your country • describe how New Year is celebrated in your country • explain what you like about New Year celebrations in your country

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

You are taking a course at a local college.The deadline for your project was last week but you haven't finished it Write a letter to your lecturer.In your letter Introduce yourself Explain why you haven't handed in the project yet Request more time to do it.

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?