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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that technology is now an invaluable study tool for young people. others, however, believe that it is harmful to the studying process.

#people #technology #study #tool #process
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Some individuals believe that
technology
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 is an essential
study
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 tool for teenagers.
However
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, some others argue that
technology
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 has a negative impact on
study
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 procedures. I think modern
technology
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 made
easy
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the process of studying for young
people
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. Nowadays, there is an argument that
technology
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 is an important element of
study
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 for young
people
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. it provides them with different educational resources.
For example
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, university students by searching through the internet can find information about her or his presentation.
In addition
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, he or she might be able to find a video or images about the seminar.
Therefore
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,
technology
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 has facilitated the process of
study
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 for teenagers.
However
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, the drawbacks of
technology
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 should be considered. Attracting young individuals beyond
technology
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 provides them with eye problems.
For instance
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, being a teenager for more than 5 hours with a light screen has a negative impact on the eyes.
Moreover
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,
technology
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 is wasting teenager’s time.
For example
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, a student by plays games might waste a long time which
instead
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 can do lots of homework.
As a result
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, the disadvantage of
technology
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 in the
study
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 procedure is remarkable.
To conclude
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,
technology
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 is an important element of
study
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 for the young generation.
Although
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
technology
Use synonyms
 has a negative impact on the
study
Use synonyms
 process. I think
technology
Use synonyms
 has facilitated the procedure of
study
Use synonyms
 for young
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Task Achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This can strengthen your essay by showing real-world applications or impacts of technology on studying.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and connectors to improve the flow of your essay. While you have a clear structure, more complex sentence constructions can enhance readability and cohesion.
General
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and inconsistencies in your writing. Proofreading your essay can help minimize these mistakes, making your arguments clearer and more professional.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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