IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

There are many female students who finish degrees in science and technology courses at university, but few move into the workplace after they graduate. Why is this? What measures can be taken to encourage them into work? Situation

In many companies,
women
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 are significantly underrepresented in
leadership
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 roles. Some people argue that organizations should be legally required to reserve a fixed proportion of top-level positions for
women
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. I partly agree with
this
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 view.
While
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such
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 policies can promote
gender
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 equality, they should be balanced with merit-based selection to ensure fairness and effectiveness. Supporters of allocating a percentage of
leadership
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 roles to
women
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 believe it is a necessary step to correct historical
gender
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 imbalances. In many societies,
women
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 have been denied equal opportunities for advancement
due to
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 stereotypes and systemic barriers. By introducing quotas, companies can accelerate progress toward
gender
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 equality and create more inclusive workplaces.
For example
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, in countries like Norway, where
gender
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 quotas have been implemented, there has been a noticeable increase in female participation in boardrooms, leading to more balanced decision-making and improved organizational performance. ⸻ ✅ Body Paragraph 2 – Limitations and alternative views:
On the other hand
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, critics argue that
leadership
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 positions should be awarded based on qualifications, experience, and merit rather than
gender
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. Imposing quotas could result in resentment among employees and undermine the confidence of female leaders if people assume they were selected to meet a requirement rather than for their abilities. A more effective long-term approach would be to create equal opportunities through mentorship programs,
leadership
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 training, and unbiased hiring processes. These strategies empower
women
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 to compete fairly and rise to the top based on their own merits. ⸻ ✅ Conclusion: In conclusion,
while
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 reserving a percentage of high-level positions for
women
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 can help address
gender
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 disparities in the short term, it is not a perfect solution. A combination of fair policies, support systems, and cultural change is essential to achieving lasting
gender
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 equality in the workplace.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each point clearly links to your main argument. You can use more connectors to guide readers.
task achievement
In the introduction, state your main point clearly right away to set the direction for the essay.
task achievement
Add more details or examples in the second body paragraph to support your points further.
focus and clarity
You have a strong introduction that presents your view clearly and sets up the topic well.
supporting evidence
The examples from specific countries help strengthen your argument and show a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender bias
  • stereotypes
  • inclusive environment
  • role models
  • work-life balance
  • flexible work arrangements
  • discrimination
  • harassment
  • awareness programs
  • education programs
  • mentorship
  • networking opportunities
  • workplace policies
  • inclusive culture
  • scholarships
  • financial incentives
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