IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that movies should only be for entertainment. Others think that they should also have educational values. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #movies #entertainment #values
There is a debate over the purpose of
movies
, with some saying it is to entertain the viewer and others arguing they should educate people.
While
 education through
movies
 would be beneficial, I believe the ultimate purpose of
movies
 is to entertain people. Some people argue that incorporating education into
movies
 can be a wise move. Certain subjects, like history, can be effectively conveyed through a movie, offering a more accessible alternative to traditional learning methods.
For example
, studying a particular historical period in a conventional way often involves reading and analyzing several books but with
movies
 the same period can be covered in a two-hour movie. The inclusion of elements
such
 as wars, romance, dramas, and special effects
also
 helps to retain the viewer’s attention, which can increase the effectiveness of the learning process through
movies
.
This
 argument,
however
, entails several flaws.
Firstly
, there is
question
Add an article
a question
the question
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over
Change preposition
about
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 the accuracy of educational content
that is
 conveyed through
movies
. Producers usually misrepresent or exaggerate scientific facts in order to increase the appeal of the movie. In historical
movies
,
for instance
, the historical accuracy is often met with criticism by experts.
This
 goes to show that education through
movies
 is not always the optimal approach.
Therefore
, I would argue that
movies
 should function as entertainment rather than an educational tool. The emergence of
movies
 in the first place can support
this
 argument. They were a form of visual storytelling designed to captivate audiences and provide them with
immersive
Add an article
an immersive
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 experience.
This
 foundational role of
movies
 is still relevant as many of us watch
movies
 primarily to unwind and socialize with others
instead
 of learning something.   In conclusion, integrating educational content into
movies
 can be a strategic decision but there is
a
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apply
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doubt over the accuracy of educational information in
movies
. So, I tend to believe that the ultimate aim of
movies
 is to amuse audiences rather than educate them.
Submitted by amuhammedov665 on

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task response
Clarify your position earlier in the essay to avoid confusion.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Instead of generic statements, use concrete situations or real movie titles to solidify your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Be consistent in your argumentation and avoid contradicting statements to maintain coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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