Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It cannot be denied that we are living in a world where we can hear great sounds and
music
at any time. Proponents say that music
is probably a good way to bring many people
from different countries and ages together. And I strongly agree with that issue.
On the one hand, music
can connect you and your family members thanks to its melodies. Even though music
doesn't say much, it nonetheless
has a profound impact on our emotions. Our bodies exhibit every sign of emotional arousal and become active when we listen to our favorite
tunes at the events or activities we all are partaking in. Change the spelling
favourite
Such
pleasurable stimuli make everyone closer, and they understand each other better, making the whole atmosphere more joyful. Hence
, each member will better understand each individual's musical tastes. For example
, children will understand the beauty of the melodies and lyrics of traditional songs that their parents often listen to. We can see that all ages can enjoy different genres of music
, and it can connect all ages.
On the other hand
, thanks to the power of musical melody, it is possible to connect the beats of the heart from every country, and it actually heats the nail on the head. For example
, when we are at a K-pop concert, we have a strong sense of emotion in each melody. People
don't care who they are or where they come from, they seem to blend into each other's lyrics. They also
can get closer to everyone around and can talk about their countries or their cultural lives.
To draw a conclusion, one can say that music
plays an important role in making people
's lives more colorful
and connecting Change the spelling
colourful
people
to people
.Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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Introduction & Thesis
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, ensuring a clear presentation of your opinion on the topic. To enhance your essay further, consider strengthening your thesis statement to make your stance even more distinctive.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've used logical paragraphing and a range of cohesive devices effectively. However, for an even stronger essay, try to vary your linking words and phrases to demonstrate a wider range of coherence tools.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant and support your arguments well. To elevate your essay, integrate more detailed examples or statistics, where possible, to substantiate your points more robustly.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing your agreement with the statement. For further improvement, consider mentioning future implications or a call to action to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Introduction
Effective use of an introductory paragraph to present your viewpoint.
Structure
Clear logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Examples
Good use of examples to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite