Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that they are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion?

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

Many opinions may say that beauty and property will lead to a successful life.

However

, it is the writer's viewpoint that

hardworking

Correct word choice

hard work

show examples

and determination are the initial factors of success. It should be considered that industriousness and effort have a profound impact on one's success.

This

is a long road to go, so tolerance or hard work is needed in everyone's characteristics. By being tolerated,

people

can develop a sense of studiousness during their job and

also

improve their aim for a career.

As a result

, those characteristics will help them to strengthen their determination to succeed and

also

train for their own qualities. Taking a Vietnamese businessman as an example,

although

he had only a small salary, he founded his own cafe brand and developed it into an international brand through his ambition and effort. Turning to the sense outlook and

poperty

Correct your spelling

property

which is known as the main factors for achievement. It is true when the toehold of an almost successful life is the capital and a good presence. Money can assist

people

a lot in solving and developing their careers, especially young

people

who are new founders.

Moreover

, debut can help

people

to have a better experience in meeting with counterparties or raising profit for their startup.

For example

, to be successful in entertainment jobs,

such

as actors or singers, requires a friendly presentation and property. From the writer's point of view, being studious is much more practical than appearance

although

both aspects have positive effects on our accomplishments.

However

, beauty and money are not long-lasting selections for their career so having an attempt can strengthen their ambition slowly.

Furthermore

this

character can help them to gain experience in their work that can

also

provide them in other fields. In conclusion, indeed working hard can secure a bright future for most of us as an ordinary, but there are some other factors that could

also

lead to achievement

such

as great fortune and a mesmerizing appearance.

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task achievement

To enhance task achievement, ensure a clearer distinction between your opinion and the discussion points. While your essay does touch upon both views, making your stance even more prominent throughout the essay will enrich its depth.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, consider incorporating more varied linking devices to efficiently connect your ideas and paragraphs. This can make your essay flow more naturally and enhance overall readability.

coherence cohesion

To further improve coherence, try to provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. While the examples given are good, diversifying them across different contexts or industries can strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that they are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

More people now have children later in life. What are some of the reasons for this phenomenon?

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree?