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Band 4.5

Some people think that success in life comes from hardwork and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #hardwork #determination #factors #money #appearance
In recent years,
success
 has become a broad issue. Many individuals believe that
success
 in life comes from working hard and effort
while
 others think that poverty and
appearance
 are more important factors.
This
 writer gravitates
t
Correct your spelling
to
 the idea that
success
 in life comes from hard
work
 and
determination
. First and foremost, it is widely acknowledged that
work
 hard and
determination
 play a vital role in
success
 in life. A very important point to consider is that many jobs nowadays encourage the
determination
 of workers.
This
 means that when the country is growing, the amount of
work
 will increase.
Consequently
, many large companies like Microsoft and Space X often recruit employees who are
hard – working
Correct your spelling
hard–working
show examples
 and determined.
On the other hand
, there are several arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the idea that poverty and
appearance
 are more important. It is
also
 convincing that money and good
appearance
 help you to have a good starter or
work
.
This
 is because you can learn experience from higher level people when you have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
appearance
.
Therefore
, you can get a promotion in the future. In conclusion, the aforementioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of
this
 issue, and it is still a controversial issue. As far as I am concerned, recruitment should encourage
determination
 and hard
work
 when they hire more staff.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure your essay has a clear overall structure. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different points and use linking words to help the reader understand how your ideas connect.
coherence cohesion
You can enhance the logical structure by planning your essay before you start writing. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all ideas within the paragraph support that main idea.
coherence cohesion
For your introduction and conclusion, clearly state the topic and your opinion in the introduction, and summarise your main points and restate your opinion in the conclusion.
task achievement
To boost your task achievement score, ensure your essay fully answers all parts of the question. Include a detailed discussion of both views and your own opinion.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by explaining why certain points support your argument and how they relate to the question.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant specifics and examples to support your arguments. This will provide evidence for your claims and make your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • commitment
  • achievement
  • legendary figures
  • humble beginnings
  • sheer will
  • financial resources
  • societal perceptions
  • intrinsic qualities
  • extrinsic factors
  • advantageous circumstances
  • nuanced perspective
  • financial stability
  • societal biases
  • dynamics
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