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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that success life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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In today's digital era,
work
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 hard and ambition are thought to be important in a successful
life
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while
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 others believe that finance and
appearance
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 are the features that are more vital.
This
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 author agrees with the first statement
due to
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 its
stable
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stability
show examples
 and the ability to grow up in the future.
Firstly
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, hard
work
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 and determination bring a stable successful
life
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. To explain, money and
appearance
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 only give
people
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success
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 in a part of their
life
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,
however
Linking Words
,
hard-working
Replace the word
hard work
show examples
 and
determinating
Replace the word
determination
show examples
 bring
success
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 for the whole of their
life
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, it is because money and
appearance
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 just are finite things but humans can hold
hard-working
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
 and
determinating
Replace the word
determination
show examples
 in their whole
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
For example
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, the models compare with the entrepreneurs, the models are only popular and successful in their youth by their
appearance
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while
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 the entrepreneurs use their ambition and hard
work
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 to have
success
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 in
all
Change the word
their
show examples
 lifetime.
Secondly
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, these characters can help
people
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 to develop in the future.
In other words
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, hard
work
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 can be a spur pedal
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people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 to continue to go higher unlimitly in the future.
For example
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, Pham Nhat Vuong is the CEO of Vin Group, in spite of his
success
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 he continues to push his company up to be bigger. In conclusion, hard
work
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 and determination can help
people
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 go higher and
further
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 in their lives
while
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people
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 who have money and
appearance
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 only succeed in a part of their lives.

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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, with the body paragraphs elaborating on the views presented in the introduction.
Coherence
To improve coherence, use a range of linking phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Example Detail
Provide specific and detailed examples to support your main points. This helps to illustrate your arguments more vividly and makes your essay more persuasive.
Balanced Argument
While developing your argument, spend some time discussing the opposing viewpoint before stating your opinion. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Language
Work on your grammar and ensure that your essay is free of spelling and punctuation errors. Accessible language and a wide range of vocabulary can make your essay stand out.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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