Some people think that success life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
In today's digital era,
work
hard and ambition are thought to be important in a successful life
while
others believe that finance and appearance
are the features that are more vital. This
author agrees with the first statement due to
its stable
and the ability to grow up in the future.
Replace the word
stability
Firstly
, hard work
and determination bring a stable successful life
. To explain, money and appearance
only give people
success
in a part of their life
, however
, hard-working
and Replace the word
hard work
determinating
bring Replace the word
determination
success
for the whole of their life
, it is because money and appearance
just are finite things but humans can hold hard-working
and Correct your spelling
hard work
determinating
in their whole Replace the word
determination
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For example
, the models compare with the entrepreneurs, the models are only popular and successful in their youth by their appearance
while
the entrepreneurs use their ambition and hard work
to have success
in all
lifetime.
Change the word
their
Secondly
, these characters can help people
to develop in the future. In other words
, hard work
can be a spur pedal people
to continue to go higher unlimitly in the future. Change preposition
for people
For example
, Pham Nhat Vuong is the CEO of Vin Group, in spite of his success
he continues to push his company up to be bigger.
In conclusion, hard work
and determination can help people
go higher and further
in their lives while
people
who have money and appearance
only succeed in a part of their lives.Submitted by khoi11nk11e on
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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, with the body paragraphs elaborating on the views presented in the introduction.
Coherence
To improve coherence, use a range of linking phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Example Detail
Provide specific and detailed examples to support your main points. This helps to illustrate your arguments more vividly and makes your essay more persuasive.
Balanced Argument
While developing your argument, spend some time discussing the opposing viewpoint before stating your opinion. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Language
Work on your grammar and ensure that your essay is free of spelling and punctuation errors. Accessible language and a wide range of vocabulary can make your essay stand out.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?