IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

some people think that success in life comes form hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #form #work #determination #factors #money #appearance
In order to achieve
success
, there are a plethora of ways to do so.
While
 some people believe that
success
 comes from looks and money, others think that working hard and having determination are the two most essential elements.
This
 writing states that the only way to reach triumph in life is to be diligent and dedicated. On the
one
 hand , being attractive and financially advanced
play
Fix the agreement mistake
plays
show examples
 a vital role in
one
's achievements. The first reason is that it helps people to attain fame and power. Taking the example of the character Batman in DC Comics, with the fortune his parents left him, it is not hard for him to continue the family business
as well as
 spend on gear.
Furthermore
, personal appearance is
one
 of the crucial factors impacting achievement.
For instance
 candidates have a better chance of securing a job if they display confident body posture or wear appropriate clothing,
in addition
 to possessing great skills and experience.
However
 , these are just minor contributors to
success
 in life.
Firstly
 , without an assiduous attitude, no
one
 can gain
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 in many aspects of life.
Secondly
, a strong-willed mindset
also
 creates motivation to set goals and serves as the foundation of
success
 .
As a result
, it allows people to overcome complex problems in all situations and always keep moving forward to reach long-term goals. In conclusion,
although
 money and personal appearance have an influence on achievement, it seems to me that hard work and determination are the dominant factors in achieving the highest level of
success
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve your score, ensure each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea, supported by specific examples. Try using more real-world examples to illustrate your points, rather than fictional characters like Batman.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure, but consider making the connection between paragraphs smoother. Use transition words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument more fluidly.
task achievement
For a higher score, aim to develop your main points further with more detailed examples and analysis. This will make your argument more persuasive and your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clearly marked and effectively sum up your essay's main points. Adding a summary sentence at the end of body paragraphs can also enhance clarity and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: