E. Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
It is believed by some that
music
, art
and drama
are as significant as other school
subjects
, particularly in early years of education. I completely agree with this
because all these activities
help children
to develop their fine and gross motor skills, and they also
enhance their creativity skills.
Development of fine and gross motor skills is a vital aspect that needs to be considered in early
years of education rather than focusing more on other Correct article usage
the early
school
subjects
. Children
's engagement in music
, art
and drama
experiences encourages the body movement and makes them more active. During these activities
, their repetitive body movements encourage the constant use of soft and hard muscles of the body. Take developed countries such
as Australia, Canada and the USA as an example, these are nations known for their play-based learning curriculum based on music
, art
and drama
learning experiences to support children
's physical development, particularly, Change preposition
at in
in
early age, and focus less on academic Correct your spelling
an
subjects
. This
is why they are far ahead of other countries in these fields.
Expansion and enrichment of children
's creativity is the other significant advantage of teaching music
, art
and drama
in schools as other school
subjects
. If they are encouraged to take part in these activities
at an early age, they stimulate their intrusive mind. With this
, they may try to find alternative ways to do one thing. Once this
habit is developed, they will try to apply it in almost all tasks in their day-to-day life. For instance
, during these activities
, children
try to express their thoughts with their actions, gestures and onto a piece of paper while
doing art
. They do this
with the freedom and create things beyond any limitation.
In conclusion, I believe that music
, art
and drama
play a crucial role in children
's lives, and it
should be Correct pronoun usage
they
important
as other Rephrase
as important
school
subjects
because they contribute in
their physical development, and Change preposition
to
also
enhance their creativity by expanding the horizon of their knowledge.Submitted by meghnabawa91 on
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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that you fully address the prompt and develop your main points with more specific, contextual examples that underscore your argument. While the essay contains a clear position and relevant examples, they can be further detailed to solidify your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay possesses a clear overall progression, with an evident introduction and conclusion. However, varied and more sophisticated linking devices could be employed to create a stronger connection between ideas within and between paragraphs, thereby enhancing logical flow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
