E. Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by some that
music
,
art
and
drama
are as significant as other
school
subjects
, particularly in early years of education. I completely agree with
this
because all these
activities
help
children
to develop their fine and gross motor skills, and they
also
enhance their creativity skills. Development of fine and gross motor skills is a vital aspect that needs to be considered in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
years of education rather than focusing more on other
school
subjects
.
Children
's engagement in
music
,
art
and
drama
experiences encourages the body movement and makes them more active. During these
activities
, their repetitive body movements encourage the constant use of soft and hard muscles of the body. Take developed countries
such
as Australia, Canada and the USA as an example, these are nations known for their play-based learning curriculum based on
music
,
art
and
drama
learning experiences to support
children
's physical development, particularly,
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
early age, and focus less on academic
subjects
.
This
is why they are far ahead of other countries in these fields. Expansion and enrichment of
children
's creativity is the other significant advantage of teaching
music
,
art
and
drama
in schools as other
school
subjects
. If they are encouraged to take part in these
activities
at an early age, they stimulate their intrusive mind. With
this
, they may try to find alternative ways to do one thing. Once
this
habit is developed, they will try to apply it in almost all tasks in their day-to-day life.
For instance
, during these
activities
,
children
try to express their thoughts with their actions, gestures and onto a piece of paper
while
doing
art
. They do
this
with the freedom and create things beyond any limitation. In conclusion, I believe that
music
,
art
and
drama
play a crucial role in
children
's lives, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
should be
important
Rephrase
as important
show examples
as other
school
subjects
because they contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
their physical development, and
also
enhance their creativity by expanding the horizon of their knowledge.
Submitted by meghnabawa91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that you fully address the prompt and develop your main points with more specific, contextual examples that underscore your argument. While the essay contains a clear position and relevant examples, they can be further detailed to solidify your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay possesses a clear overall progression, with an evident introduction and conclusion. However, varied and more sophisticated linking devices could be employed to create a stronger connection between ideas within and between paragraphs, thereby enhancing logical flow.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: