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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some scientists think that very soon computers will be more intelligent than humans. While some people think it is a positive development, others say it has adverse effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #computers #humans #people #development #effects
There are growing concerns that sooner or later,
computer
intelligence
 might surpass human capacity.
While
 some are of the opinion that
such
 a development is advantageous, others have contrary views.
This
 essay will examine both arguments and conclude that artificial
intelligence
 cuts both ways.
To begin
 with, it is widely acknowledged that if computers became superior to human beings,
this
 would definitely have positive impacts on people.
This
 is because scientists believe that advanced technology could help companies to increase work efficiency and productivity. Clearly, robots can work round the clock
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 humans. Another merit is that
computer
intelligence
 can narrow the gap between the rich and the poor. To be specific, artificial
intelligence
 could lead to mass production of goods and services .
This
 would trigger a massive drop in the prices of consumables.
Nevertheless
, I believe that having smarter computers would have adverse impacts on humanity.
Firstly
,
super computers
Correct your spelling
supercomputers
show examples
 could diminish the real value of human creativity and imagination as people would heavily rely on machines.
Therefore
, humans would become less creative.
Secondly
, if
computer
 knowledge surpasses
humans'
Change noun form
humans
show examples
, there would be the likelihood that employment would be lost since human labour can be replaced by machines. In South Korea, about 50 % of workplaces in the business sector are already considering the introduction of cutting-edge technologies that could effectively and precisely deal with financial analyses. To surmise, there is a compelling argument that the growth of
computer
intelligence
 would undoubtedly bring benefits;
however
, I contend that
this
 could potentially pose a threat to human development and employability.
Submitted by wowoo04066 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure that you fully respond to all parts of the question. Expand on your arguments by providing more detailed explanations and examples that clearly relate to the prompt. Additionally, a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion could help enhance the completeness of your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating a more logical structure in your essay. This can be achieved by linking ideas more clearly between paragraphs and within them. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to help the reader follow your argument more easily. Additionally, ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and address the essay prompt directly.
Supported Main Points
Enhancing your essay with more supported main points would significantly benefit your score. This can be achieved by including more specific examples and evidence to back up your claims. Try to delve deeper into each point you make, explaining how it supports your overall argument or viewpoint. This will add depth and persuasiveness to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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