It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
As
people
’s attention to disease
has increased, whether to provide help to healthy people
or patients
has become a debatable issue in modern society. Although
support for patients
can be needed due to
the difficulties in both cures for diseases
and monetary issues, I firmly believe that contributing more finance to healthy people
is further
meaningful as a solution to reduce chronic disease
rates, and as a proactive measure to prevent potential disease
generation.
It is certain that treating patients
with disease
histories is important as they might spend a significant amount of money
on buying medicines and obtaining several medical therapies. Consequently
, they will become financially deficient at the same time. Although
these negative outcomes are foreseen, there can be more potential consequences when public funds are used for citizens who are not ill.
First and foremost, investing money
in healthy people
outweighs the groups who are not as this
can be a proactive measure to prevent suffering severe chronic diseases
such
as obesity, heart disease
or diabetes, which have exerted detrimental effects on our communities. The primary reasons behind the increasing aforementioned disease
rates can lie in unhealthy meals including fast food such
as Mcdonalds, Pizza Hut, and Baskin Rabisons. Moreover
, they do not include wholesome nutrients but a myriad of artificial chemicals, which deteriorate people
’s overall
health. Due to
this
prevalent unbeneficial food, therefore
, the number of individuals
who are diagnosed with diseases
dramatically increased. As a result
, communal money
should be spent on avoiding these harmful diseases
from unhealthy environments by establishing plenty of vegan food restaurants or giving rewards for losing weight.
An additional basis that the government should put significant effort and money
in
healthy Change preposition
into
individuals
is to lower the figure of people
who first have new diseases
. This
is the reason why healthy people
can prevent from having new illnesses by providing correct health knowledge to individuals
,
and Remove the comma
apply
practicing
them in their daily lives like exercising and eating the proper proportion of nutrients every meal. Once Change the spelling
practising
individuals
lose their health, it becomes challenging to restore their original state of well-being. Hence
, it can be more beneficial to invest money
in prevention, and this
can be achieved by establishing educational institutions in every village, and encouraging residents to enroll
in free health-related classes.
In conclusion, it is important to offer economic help for Change the spelling
enrol
patients
to alleviate their several hardships, while
the effect is more promising when the money
is employed to prevent healthy people
from suffering new diseases
, regarding high chronic disease
rates and the possibility of prevention.Submitted by uzookim on
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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments while reiterating your position. Both were done well, but slight enhancements in clarity could further improve their impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the logical structure of your essay and make your main points more cohesive.
Supported Main Points
While you provided some examples and reasons to support your arguments, adding more detailed, specific examples could strengthen your essay. Data, studies, or hypothetical scenarios that directly support your stance would be particularly effective.
Complete Response
Your essay addresses the task well by discussing the importance of investing in health prevention. However, you could improve by exploring the counterargument more deeply to enhance the completeness of your response. Acknowledge why some may argue for spending on treatment, then refute or balance this view with your conclusion.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Your ideas on the importance of investing in health prevention are clear and comprehensive. To further improve, consider exploring each idea more deeply with additional examples or explanations to fully demonstrate their implications and relevance.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Providing more detailed, real-world examples to illustrate your points can make your arguments more convincing. Look for statistics, case studies, or real-life success stories about investments in healthy lifestyle programs and their impact on disease prevention.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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