It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
As
people
’s attention to Use synonyms
disease
has increased, whether to provide help to healthy Use synonyms
people
or Use synonyms
patients
has become a debatable issue in modern society. Use synonyms
Although
support for Linking Words
patients
can be needed Use synonyms
due to
the difficulties in both cures for Linking Words
diseases
and monetary issues, I firmly believe that contributing more finance to healthy Use synonyms
people
is Use synonyms
further
meaningful as a solution to reduce chronic Linking Words
disease
rates, and as a proactive measure to prevent potential Use synonyms
disease
generation.
It is certain that treating Use synonyms
patients
with Use synonyms
disease
histories is important as they might spend a significant amount of Use synonyms
money
on buying medicines and obtaining several medical therapies. Use synonyms
Consequently
, they will become financially deficient at the same time. Linking Words
Although
these negative outcomes are foreseen, there can be more potential consequences when public funds are used for citizens who are not ill.
First and foremost, investing Linking Words
money
in healthy Use synonyms
people
outweighs the groups who are not as Use synonyms
this
can be a proactive measure to prevent suffering severe chronic Linking Words
diseases
Use synonyms
such
as obesity, heart Linking Words
disease
or diabetes, which have exerted detrimental effects on our communities. The primary reasons behind the increasing aforementioned Use synonyms
disease
rates can lie in unhealthy meals including fast food Use synonyms
such
as Mcdonalds, Pizza Hut, and Baskin Rabisons. Linking Words
Moreover
, they do not include wholesome nutrients but a myriad of artificial chemicals, which deteriorate Linking Words
people
’s Use synonyms
overall
health. Linking Words
Due to
Linking Words
this
prevalent unbeneficial food, Linking Words
therefore
, the number of Linking Words
individuals
who are diagnosed with Use synonyms
diseases
dramatically increased. Use synonyms
As a result
, communal Linking Words
money
should be spent on avoiding these harmful Use synonyms
diseases
from unhealthy environments by establishing plenty of vegan food restaurants or giving rewards for losing weight.
An additional basis that the government should put significant effort and Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
in
healthy Change preposition
into
individuals
is to lower the figure of Use synonyms
people
who first have new Use synonyms
diseases
. Use synonyms
This
is the reason why healthy Linking Words
people
can prevent from having new illnesses by providing correct health knowledge to Use synonyms
individuals
Use synonyms
,
and Remove the comma
apply
practicing
them in their daily lives like exercising and eating the proper proportion of nutrients every meal. Once Change the spelling
practising
individuals
lose their health, it becomes challenging to restore their original state of well-being. Use synonyms
Hence
, it can be more beneficial to invest Linking Words
money
in prevention, and Use synonyms
this
can be achieved by establishing educational institutions in every village, and encouraging residents to Linking Words
enroll
in free health-related classes.
In conclusion, it is important to offer economic help for Change the spelling
enrol
patients
to alleviate their several hardships, Use synonyms
while
the effect is more promising when the Linking Words
money
is employed to prevent healthy Use synonyms
people
from suffering new Use synonyms
diseases
, regarding high chronic Use synonyms
disease
rates and the possibility of prevention.Use synonyms
Submitted by uzookim on
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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments while reiterating your position. Both were done well, but slight enhancements in clarity could further improve their impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the logical structure of your essay and make your main points more cohesive.
Supported Main Points
While you provided some examples and reasons to support your arguments, adding more detailed, specific examples could strengthen your essay. Data, studies, or hypothetical scenarios that directly support your stance would be particularly effective.
Complete Response
Your essay addresses the task well by discussing the importance of investing in health prevention. However, you could improve by exploring the counterargument more deeply to enhance the completeness of your response. Acknowledge why some may argue for spending on treatment, then refute or balance this view with your conclusion.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Your ideas on the importance of investing in health prevention are clear and comprehensive. To further improve, consider exploring each idea more deeply with additional examples or explanations to fully demonstrate their implications and relevance.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Providing more detailed, real-world examples to illustrate your points can make your arguments more convincing. Look for statistics, case studies, or real-life success stories about investments in healthy lifestyle programs and their impact on disease prevention.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.