Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook, Zalo,...) have a negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #facebook #zalo #impact #individuals #society

this

contemporary society, most

people

use Social Network Services

such

as Instagram, YouTube, and Twitter. Concerning

this

issue, some

people

are of the opinion that these are affect on personally and even our society. I only partly endorse

this

view and will explain in detail my viewpoint

further

this

essay. Undoubtedly, there are some noteworthy reasons why some

people

think that using Internet services has positive effects on our community. First and foremost, one of the representative reasons is that networking services provide diverse data. If

people

have a travelling plan, they can browse popular restaurants, the weather and social issues.

Due to

this

reason, finding data is easier than in the past.

Secondly

people

can communicate with various

people

by using SNS systems

such

as Direct Message, iMessage, and Zoom. In the company, they can do video conferencing with their co-workers who working in other countries.

On the other hand

, there are some pessimistic

people

with

this

view mentioned above. The most reasonable one is that diverse networking sites contain violent and sexual content. So when children access

this

visual information, it has a negative influence on their mental health.

Secondly

, when some

people

addicted

Add a missing verb

are addicted

show examples

to the Internet, it

effects

Replace the word

affects

show examples

people

's social interactions.

Last

but not least,

people

waste their time. In a nutshell, weighing up both sides of the argument,

although

it influences

people

's mental problems, I strongly believe that SNS have effects in positive ways

such

as massive information, wide communication, and education.

Submitted by wowoo04066 on Tue Mar 26 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay follows a logical structure, which is great. However, to further improve, make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that signals the paragraph’s main idea. Linking words are used, but you could benefit from a wider range and more precise usage of these to enhance the flow of your essay.

task achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay. While you did present a personal viewpoint, making it more prominent from the introduction could strengthen your argument. Additionally, directly addressing the question 'to what extent do you agree or disagree?' in your conclusion could make your stance clearer to the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

248 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook, Zalo,...) have a negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. What might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Many schools these days have problems with poor student behavior. Why do you think these problems occur? What could be done to tackle these problems?

International air fares are falling and tourism is growing. What are the advantages and disadvantages of increasing tourism activity?

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. Discuss the both views and give your opinion.