Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any
There is no doubt that
,
some Remove the comma
apply
partents
think Correct your spelling
parents
children
must decide their own things in life, but I don't think so. Most of the time
, kids need some advice from relatives or others
people, Correct quantifier usage
other
also
, most of the advice will help them grow better.
First,
the key reason may root
in the fact, Wrong verb form
be rooted
some
Correct word choice
that some
children
just prefer one type of food, such
as hambugers
or chocolates. Correct your spelling
hamburgers
That is
too bad for health
, and only eating one type of food will lead to unbalanced nutrition, Correct pronoun usage
their health
more over
, a lot of sweets are not good for their teeth either.
Correct your spelling
moreover
Second,
today in many cities, most children
play video games in their free time
, for example
, when they
after school or during the weekends. But if they spend more Correct pronoun usage
apply
time
on the game, it is really unhealth
for their eyes, Correct your spelling
unhealthy
somthing
more serious is they will wear glasses at a very young age,even until old.
Correct your spelling
something
Third,
kids usually don't know what is right thing or wrong, they might see some risk
plot in a movie, and they Replace the word
risky
maybe
imitate it in their life, Correct your spelling
may
that
is very Correct pronoun usage
which
hazard
for them. Most importantly, they will spend Replace the word
hazardous
many
Replace the quantifier
much
time
to go
to the hospital for Change the verb form
going
Add an article
a treat
treat
, Replace the word
treatment
that
is not fun for them.
In a Correct pronoun usage
which
netshell
, if Correct your spelling
nutshell
children
want to grow up with
safely, Change preposition
apply
partents
suggest is very important.When they become Correct your spelling
parents
patents
a
adult, they will find these childhood experiences from other people Change the article
an
is
useful to them.Unnecessary verb
apply
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structure
Develop a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. Your essay lacks a distinct conclusion that summarizes the main points and your opinion.
language use
Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and flow. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.
task response
Work on accurately responding to the task by discussing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion clearly. The essay tends to focus on only one aspect without adequately addressing the counterargument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay is cohesive by connecting ideas and paragraphs more effectively through the use of linking words and phrases. This will improve the readability of your essay.
argument development
Support your arguments with precise examples. While you provided some examples, they need to be developed further and linked more clearly to your main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.