Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There is no doubt that
,
some parents think Remove the comma
apply
children
must decide their own things in life, but I don't think so. Most of the time
, kids need some advice from relatives or other people, also
, most of the advice will help them grow better.
First,
the key reason may root
in the fact, Wrong verb form
be rooted
some
Correct word choice
that some
children
just prefer one type of food, such
as hamburgers or chocolates. That is
too bad for their health, and only eating one type of food will lead to unbalanced nutrition, moreover
, a lot of sweets are not good for their teeth either.
Second,
today in many cities, most children
play video games in their free time
, for example
, when they
after school or during the weekends. But if they spend more Correct pronoun usage
apply
time
on the game, it is really unhealth
for their eyes, Correct your spelling
unhealthy
somthing
more serious is they will wear glasses at a very young age, even until old.
Correct your spelling
something
Third,
kids usually don't know what is right thing or wrong, they might see some riskly
plot in a movie, and they Correct your spelling
risky
maybe
imitate it in their life, Correct your spelling
may
that
is very Correct pronoun usage
which
hazard
for them. Most importantly, they will spend Replace the word
hazardous
many
Replace the quantifier
much
time
going to the hospital for Add an article
a treat
treat
, Replace the word
treatment
that
is not fun for them.
In a nutshell, if Correct pronoun usage
which
children
want to grow up with
safely, parents suggest is very important.When they become an adult, they will find these childhood experiences from other people Change preposition
apply
is
useful to them.Unnecessary verb
apply
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task response
Deepen your exploration of both views before giving your own perspective. Your essay currently leans towards one viewpoint without adequately discussing the opposing view.
coherence and cohesion
Develop a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay lacks a definitive opening and closing, which are crucial for framing your argument and summarizing your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your essay structure by organizing your paragraphs more logically and connecting your ideas more smoothly. Use transition words to enhance the flow from one idea to the next.
task response
Incorporate more varied and relevant examples to support your points. While some examples are provided, expanding on these with more detail or adding additional examples will strengthen your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.