IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the only important thing in life is his or her work. Without a successful career, life is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The statement refers to how some people believe that having a successful career and being work-oriented is the ultimate goal of
life
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, a lack of which undoubtedly leaves
life
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 meaningless. Indeed, some seem to have
such
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 a mindset,
whereas
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, there are
also
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 those who consider work to be of less value than
life
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 itself. I disagree with the statement, and the essay will provide reasons with supporting examples.
To begin
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 with, for me and hopefully the majority,
life
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 constitutes emotions,
relationships
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, and religion, and a successful career is not one of them.
In addition
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, success does not solely lie in external achievements like wealth or status. Many find meaning in personal growth,
relationships
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, creativity, or pursuing their passions.
As a result
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, a
life
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 filled with love, learning, and personal contentment is deeply meaningful. To illustrate, World Health Organisation (WHO), in the year 2016 conducted a survey, wherein, 90% of people who claimed they were depressed gave grounds that were work-related.
On the contrary
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 87% of people in another survey said that
relationships
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 and emotions fuel their
life
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.
This
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 reflects that happiness does not originate from work. Be that as it may, having a successful career is a necessary evil. Provided that, it is impossible to deny that those working high-end jobs are living a superior lifestyle comparatively.
Life
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 now has become so fast and advanced that materialism is at its peak. In turn,
this
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 can affect an inferior person mentally to some extent.
Thus
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, money does offer materialistic perks.
For instance
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, in a research conducted by my local community, it appeared that 75% of pupils living on the streets or having the fear of
such
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 were a consequence of low-quality education, and in turn less providing jobs. In conclusion,
while
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 a successful profession may offer material benefits, it is not the sole determinant of a meaningful
life
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. True fulfilment often stems from personal
relationships
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, emotional well-being, and personal growth, highlighting that
life
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’s purpose extends beyond work and external achievements.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer organizational structure. Consider using transition words or phrases to better link paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is sufficiently supported with detailed examples or explanations. This will make your argument more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage by clearly stating your viewpoint and the structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument, providing a solid end to your essay.
supported main points
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your points, particularly the surveys from WHO and your local community.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Emotional support
  • Companionship
  • Mental well-being
  • Passions
  • Personal development
  • Lifelong learning
  • Self-improvement
  • Physical health
  • Mental health
  • Altruism
  • Charitable activities
  • Professional achievements
  • Burnout
  • Spiritual growth
  • Cultural experiences
  • Legacy
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